I had a revelation this morning...so obviously I'm going to inflict it!
I don't like Christmas...I'm not the only one. Bad things happen to people at Christmas...and it's a lot of work for little return, unless you like stuff...I got a house full of stuff, it doesn't really do it for me. This Christmas we thought we might not be able to get to Manchester because of the weather and Arriva trains...this I explained to my kids is not a Christmas disaster, even without presents...family or turkey...I have the worst Christmas ever to remind me that this Christmas, is a good one, and we make it home, we have presents and turkey! Result.
Sometimes like this morning, I wake up grumpy, and determined to be un-polite. Arriva trains have given me a reputation of being unlucky with trains! I don't believe in luck. I don't believe in trains.
I don't feel at home anywhere, this is not new, in fact in many ways it used to be much worse, like when I was married...
People get on my wick. Seriously!
I often feel depressed and I don't mean slightly unhappy, I mean physically aggravated, aggrieved and mentally, emotionally, spiritually confused, which is what it's become after two and a half decades, a kind of physical/mental wrongness, an emotional malaise.
If I don't wake up depressed, I wake up right! Lol it's hard to say which is worse.
While we're at it...I don't like the rain, rain makes my day three times harder than normal. There's only two places that have as much or more rain than Swansea, and they are Scotland and Manchester.
My life is traumatic. That's why I'm funny! Traumatised people are hysterical.
So the revelation???
The revelation!
Home is where the heart is.
Good that isn't it? Home is where the flamin' heart is! So this morning I found my heart in a funny place...again. My heart is in Mount Pleasant Baptist Church Swansea. How weird is that? You see it's not my heart, not really, my heart died ages ago, long, long, long ago! But anyway that's where this heart is, that's my revelation...it moved me! I even, I even feel better, and it's raining, and Arriva trains are robbers and rubbish and I'm not home, not yet, but you know I found a heart and I've had worse, believe me I've had worse x
Sunday, 30 December 2012
Wednesday, 19 December 2012
happy new year
It's always nice to say good bye to an old year,and hello to a new one, recharged, rebooted, re-gigged! ( I just broke my new phone btw...I'm writing this to stop myself from getting a hammer out of the shed...)
But the very end of the year, the last leg, is very stressful, very dark and very busy just when all you really want to do is hibernate...plus " 'tis the season to be jolly!" and there's nothing so certain to depress a depressive than being told to be in a good mood, is there? I think all this conflict usually leads to some sort of overload, followed by some inward collapse, and anything with anticipation attached, just takes longer...(I mean I know I don't even get Christmas presents any more and I'm still too excited to sleep on Christmas Eve.) What a strange time of year! I feel like I've been writing lists, and packing presents and shopping for an age....and I haven't got anything for anyone else yet.
Always there is good and bad, highs and lows, shit and sugar, but this is a particularly heightened time of highs and lows- and as such might make you feel like going off your head till it's all over.
So my year 2012, the year I was forty, the highlights and low lights.
1) Alfie turned four, and I have to say my life is a lot easier, and he finally admitted that, on occasion, he can be naughty. But on the flip-side, he also discovered attitude...so instead of just saying no to everything, he now says no to everything with swag, eg. "No, no, no cream, I not itchy, it's not necessary, Mum you're nagging."
2) Holiday at Porth Cariad with both boys, Mum, Dad and niece, and bezzie mate. Low- made to play scrabble, and watch Lord of the Rings Trilogy.
3) Turned forty, and very pleased about that. Started to hate things that never bothered me before such as buses, technology and radio four comedy...
4) Went on a weeks writing course with Carol Anne Duffy...stopped writing poetry.
5) Went to Poland, started drinking double espressos.... with sugar.
6) Started new job, miss friends at old job.
7) Elis turned 17, Elis will be 18 next...
You see where I'm going with this, you can't have the light without the grey, murky, slightly annoying, disappointing dark, darkness etc. Except...actually you can!! Did you ever get it when Jesus talks about the new wine and the old wine? Cos I know I didn't. (And if you hate me for this- I can't help it...) not until I read Ezekiel that is!!! O yes my favourite book! You see in Ezekiel, or rather just after, it occurred to me that when God gives you a new heart...though you do your best to bring it down, when God lifts you by his Spirit, though you do your best to dampen the flame...it's not a one stop shop my friend, not even a two stop... You know that saying, 'There is power...power, wonder working power,' you know that?...Usually what brings you down is something daft ....like the world. And we are in the world, but we ain't staying in it x I fixed my phone, btw, who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks...wotevs.
And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins.”
Mark 2:21-23
Neither do people pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst; the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved.”
Matthew 9:16-18
Ezekiel 1:25-28
New International Version (NIV)
25 Then there came a voice from above the vault over their heads as they stood with lowered wings. 26 Above the vault over their heads was what looked like a throne of lapis lazuli, and high above on the throne was a figure like that of a man. 27 I saw that from what appeared to be his waist up he looked like glowing metal, as if full of fire, and that from there down he looked like fire; and brilliant light surrounded him. 28 Like the appearance of a rainbow in the clouds on a rainy day, so was the radiance around him.
This was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the Lord. When I saw it, I fell facedown, and I heard the voice of one speaking.
Ezekiel 3:23-24
New International Version (NIV)
23 So I got up and went out to the plain. And the glory of the Lord was standing there, like the glory I had seen by the Kebar River, and I fell facedown.
24 Then the Spirit came into me and raised me to my feet.
Ezekiel 21:17
New International Version (NIV)
17 I too will strike my hands together,
and my wrath will subside.
I the Lord have spoken.”
But the very end of the year, the last leg, is very stressful, very dark and very busy just when all you really want to do is hibernate...plus " 'tis the season to be jolly!" and there's nothing so certain to depress a depressive than being told to be in a good mood, is there? I think all this conflict usually leads to some sort of overload, followed by some inward collapse, and anything with anticipation attached, just takes longer...(I mean I know I don't even get Christmas presents any more and I'm still too excited to sleep on Christmas Eve.) What a strange time of year! I feel like I've been writing lists, and packing presents and shopping for an age....and I haven't got anything for anyone else yet.
Always there is good and bad, highs and lows, shit and sugar, but this is a particularly heightened time of highs and lows- and as such might make you feel like going off your head till it's all over.
So my year 2012, the year I was forty, the highlights and low lights.
1) Alfie turned four, and I have to say my life is a lot easier, and he finally admitted that, on occasion, he can be naughty. But on the flip-side, he also discovered attitude...so instead of just saying no to everything, he now says no to everything with swag, eg. "No, no, no cream, I not itchy, it's not necessary, Mum you're nagging."
2) Holiday at Porth Cariad with both boys, Mum, Dad and niece, and bezzie mate. Low- made to play scrabble, and watch Lord of the Rings Trilogy.
3) Turned forty, and very pleased about that. Started to hate things that never bothered me before such as buses, technology and radio four comedy...
4) Went on a weeks writing course with Carol Anne Duffy...stopped writing poetry.
5) Went to Poland, started drinking double espressos.... with sugar.
6) Started new job, miss friends at old job.
7) Elis turned 17, Elis will be 18 next...
You see where I'm going with this, you can't have the light without the grey, murky, slightly annoying, disappointing dark, darkness etc. Except...actually you can!! Did you ever get it when Jesus talks about the new wine and the old wine? Cos I know I didn't. (And if you hate me for this- I can't help it...) not until I read Ezekiel that is!!! O yes my favourite book! You see in Ezekiel, or rather just after, it occurred to me that when God gives you a new heart...though you do your best to bring it down, when God lifts you by his Spirit, though you do your best to dampen the flame...it's not a one stop shop my friend, not even a two stop... You know that saying, 'There is power...power, wonder working power,' you know that?...Usually what brings you down is something daft ....like the world. And we are in the world, but we ain't staying in it x I fixed my phone, btw, who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks...wotevs.
And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins.”
Mark 2:21-23
Neither do people pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst; the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved.”
Matthew 9:16-18
Ezekiel 1:25-28
New International Version (NIV)
25 Then there came a voice from above the vault over their heads as they stood with lowered wings. 26 Above the vault over their heads was what looked like a throne of lapis lazuli, and high above on the throne was a figure like that of a man. 27 I saw that from what appeared to be his waist up he looked like glowing metal, as if full of fire, and that from there down he looked like fire; and brilliant light surrounded him. 28 Like the appearance of a rainbow in the clouds on a rainy day, so was the radiance around him.
This was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the Lord. When I saw it, I fell facedown, and I heard the voice of one speaking.
Ezekiel 3:23-24
New International Version (NIV)
23 So I got up and went out to the plain. And the glory of the Lord was standing there, like the glory I had seen by the Kebar River, and I fell facedown.
24 Then the Spirit came into me and raised me to my feet.
Ezekiel 21:17
New International Version (NIV)
17 I too will strike my hands together,
and my wrath will subside.
I the Lord have spoken.”
Tuesday, 18 December 2012
Rescue me.
Recently we read Ezekiel and it reminded me all about how I used to live and it was very painful and upsetting and I couldn't sleep much because that's what sin does, it makes you cry and keeps you awake at night. But then after we finished it was great! I felt so much better. If Ezekiel suggests God will break your heart and I think it does ( Ezekiel 5:8-13, 6:9-10, 14: 4-5) the Gospel of John says Jesus can fix it.
And that's pretty much the story of my life, I first met Jesus aged 11 when I went to see Billy Graham, and then again crossing a road when I was 36. It's shocking to me how I could completely forget him in between, but then read Ezekiel!
It's very annoying when Christians say things like they met Jesus crossing a road. My eldest questions that, 'Like what? You saw a bloke in sandals with long hair and a beard...?' But really if a Christian says they met Jesus, I think it means they have experienced what's called 'the conviction of the Holy Spirit', that is they recognised their sin and realised their need for a Saviour.
That's why I love John 8, where Jesus rescues the woman accused of adultery, everyone knows the line, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”
Jesus says perfect things doesn't he? Anyway the passage is also famous for the fact that he writes in the sand...
"But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground."
...and so people say he was writing the sins of the men waiting to stone the woman, or the Ten Commandments or a Psalm or whatever...but he could have been doing a Sudoku for me, that's not the way my mind works any more, my mind says if Jesus had wanted me to know what he was writing in the sand...then it would have been written in the passage and anyway Jesus isn't in the business of showing you anyone else's sin, just your own.
To me the most fascinating part of that passage is the power of that pause. The authority of it. As if he may be waiting...or praying...and what happens next is astonishing because the crowd of angry, self-righteous, blood lusty men all experience the conviction of their sin...9 "At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there." They just met Jesus.
I think if I'd have been Jesus I'd have left me dangling for a bit just because I forgot about him for so many years...fortunately I'm not Jesus. And Jesus always gets it right, read John.
Do you ever get things wrong? I do. If I were a footballer, I'd be Vinnie Jones, if I were a character in a film, I'd be played by Joe Pesci....If I were a book of the bible... I'd like to be Ezekiel, but I'm none of those things, I'm just a born again, twice, weak-willed, sinful woman looking to Christ to show me the way, because Jesus always gets it right...and if you need a Saviour then you'll want to meet Jesus too.
And that's pretty much the story of my life, I first met Jesus aged 11 when I went to see Billy Graham, and then again crossing a road when I was 36. It's shocking to me how I could completely forget him in between, but then read Ezekiel!
It's very annoying when Christians say things like they met Jesus crossing a road. My eldest questions that, 'Like what? You saw a bloke in sandals with long hair and a beard...?' But really if a Christian says they met Jesus, I think it means they have experienced what's called 'the conviction of the Holy Spirit', that is they recognised their sin and realised their need for a Saviour.
That's why I love John 8, where Jesus rescues the woman accused of adultery, everyone knows the line, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”
Jesus says perfect things doesn't he? Anyway the passage is also famous for the fact that he writes in the sand...
"But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground."
...and so people say he was writing the sins of the men waiting to stone the woman, or the Ten Commandments or a Psalm or whatever...but he could have been doing a Sudoku for me, that's not the way my mind works any more, my mind says if Jesus had wanted me to know what he was writing in the sand...then it would have been written in the passage and anyway Jesus isn't in the business of showing you anyone else's sin, just your own.
To me the most fascinating part of that passage is the power of that pause. The authority of it. As if he may be waiting...or praying...and what happens next is astonishing because the crowd of angry, self-righteous, blood lusty men all experience the conviction of their sin...9 "At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there." They just met Jesus.
I think if I'd have been Jesus I'd have left me dangling for a bit just because I forgot about him for so many years...fortunately I'm not Jesus. And Jesus always gets it right, read John.
Do you ever get things wrong? I do. If I were a footballer, I'd be Vinnie Jones, if I were a character in a film, I'd be played by Joe Pesci....If I were a book of the bible... I'd like to be Ezekiel, but I'm none of those things, I'm just a born again, twice, weak-willed, sinful woman looking to Christ to show me the way, because Jesus always gets it right...and if you need a Saviour then you'll want to meet Jesus too.
Tuesday, 11 December 2012
lets talk about addiction...
You might be sitting there all smug, and I hope you are.
You might not be addicted to anything...some people aren't!
Who knew?
Whereas some people are what you call addicted. You'll see them drunk at 9 o'clock...walking with sticks, with ghost faces, you'll see them on the bus, paralytic, you'll see them at taxi ranks, shouting...you will see them.
Some people are what you call, addictive personalties. which is like being an addict, only slightly up-market.
An addictive personality, basically gets addicted to like everything and anything because it repeats the same behaviour over and over again...what ever the thing.
Let's say Espresso coffee, or facebook, or suduko or football or shopping or boys or sex or flamin' table clothes...I don't know.
But you will be addicted to something...even if you don't know.
It's not a reserve of High Street.
Does it ever strike you that Swansea is such an 'addiction' afflicted town?
It does me.
For such a little place. It does have a grand reputation...
Is it that addicted people like to live in the same vicinity?
Or is it anything to do with Swansea having once been a Gospel city? That is that once, not so long ago...most people in Swansea went to a bible believing church.
Wow! Amazing! Truly....
Ok so the behaviour of addiction is repeated patterns of thought, and of action...but basically it's in your heart..it's what you love...It's what you love, love, love...it's who you run to, where you go to...what you do, do, do.
It's the wrath of God.
That's what I believe addiction is....
In RBT I learnt
1. Obedience is not as hard as you think.
2. Repentance is not a one time happening....
3. share the Gospel of Jesus...even to addicts...even to single mothers, even to boys....
Ezekiel 14: 4 Therefore speak to them and tell them, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: When any of the Israelites set up idols in their hearts...'
Because you might think addiction starts in your head...or in your past...or in your hurt...but it doesn't, my friend, it starts in your heart, heart, heart.
You might not be addicted to anything...some people aren't!
Who knew?
Whereas some people are what you call addicted. You'll see them drunk at 9 o'clock...walking with sticks, with ghost faces, you'll see them on the bus, paralytic, you'll see them at taxi ranks, shouting...you will see them.
Some people are what you call, addictive personalties. which is like being an addict, only slightly up-market.
An addictive personality, basically gets addicted to like everything and anything because it repeats the same behaviour over and over again...what ever the thing.
Let's say Espresso coffee, or facebook, or suduko or football or shopping or boys or sex or flamin' table clothes...I don't know.
But you will be addicted to something...even if you don't know.
It's not a reserve of High Street.
Does it ever strike you that Swansea is such an 'addiction' afflicted town?
It does me.
For such a little place. It does have a grand reputation...
Is it that addicted people like to live in the same vicinity?
Or is it anything to do with Swansea having once been a Gospel city? That is that once, not so long ago...most people in Swansea went to a bible believing church.
Wow! Amazing! Truly....
Ok so the behaviour of addiction is repeated patterns of thought, and of action...but basically it's in your heart..it's what you love...It's what you love, love, love...it's who you run to, where you go to...what you do, do, do.
It's the wrath of God.
That's what I believe addiction is....
In RBT I learnt
1. Obedience is not as hard as you think.
2. Repentance is not a one time happening....
3. share the Gospel of Jesus...even to addicts...even to single mothers, even to boys....
Ezekiel 14: 4 Therefore speak to them and tell them, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: When any of the Israelites set up idols in their hearts...'
Because you might think addiction starts in your head...or in your past...or in your hurt...but it doesn't, my friend, it starts in your heart, heart, heart.
Thursday, 1 November 2012
2 Samuel; lessons
Jesus is King.
don't just be Godly when it suits you.
don't try and make what is wrong, right.
don't look to your wounds or your sacrifice.
be brave in the gospel.
be brave in Jesus.
be wise in Jesus.
be motivated by Jesus.
love in Jesus.
check your motivations.
check your heart.
don't tell others to check their heart.
don't follow corpses.
don't be a rubber necker.
don't be distracted.
do follow Jesus.
do question yourself.
do believe the promises of the Word of God.
do hope.
do live.
do love church, your refuge and your shelter.
don't just be Godly when it suits you.
don't try and make what is wrong, right.
don't look to your wounds or your sacrifice.
be brave in the gospel.
be brave in Jesus.
be wise in Jesus.
be motivated by Jesus.
love in Jesus.
check your motivations.
check your heart.
don't tell others to check their heart.
don't follow corpses.
don't be a rubber necker.
don't be distracted.
do follow Jesus.
do question yourself.
do believe the promises of the Word of God.
do hope.
do live.
do love church, your refuge and your shelter.
Saturday, 27 October 2012
Jesus isn't sexist...
...so it must be me.
Maybe I would have had an easier time with men, if I had always been a Christian or maybe I wouldn't have. But one thing I have become convinced of, is I am sexist and it is bad. Just as bad as men being sexist against women, just as sickening as women being sexist against women. It's all bad...bad is bad is bad. Anyway having got myself into a tiz about it, I am now going to pray about it until the blackness has gone because sin, whatever or rather which ever one, makes me cry too much; too much to do the washing and the dishes, too much to sleep and get up...and the only person I know who can do anything about sin, is Jesus. And the only person I know who isn't remotely sexist is Jesus.
Maybe I would have had an easier time with men, if I had always been a Christian or maybe I wouldn't have. But one thing I have become convinced of, is I am sexist and it is bad. Just as bad as men being sexist against women, just as sickening as women being sexist against women. It's all bad...bad is bad is bad. Anyway having got myself into a tiz about it, I am now going to pray about it until the blackness has gone because sin, whatever or rather which ever one, makes me cry too much; too much to do the washing and the dishes, too much to sleep and get up...and the only person I know who can do anything about sin, is Jesus. And the only person I know who isn't remotely sexist is Jesus.
Sunday, 14 October 2012
Here's the hope, 2 Samuel 13
I didn't explain Tamar properly!
Without Jesus, we are all desolate women.
Church is where we go to see him, where we go worship, where we go to bow down, where we go to say Jesus is Lord, he reigns, he is alive, because of him we are not desolate women. Don't look at your own wounds, look at Jesus' wounds.
I hope that is clearer.
Without Jesus, we are all desolate women.
Church is where we go to see him, where we go worship, where we go to bow down, where we go to say Jesus is Lord, he reigns, he is alive, because of him we are not desolate women. Don't look at your own wounds, look at Jesus' wounds.
I hope that is clearer.
Tuesday, 9 October 2012
where is hope? 2 Samuel 13
Recently I have been mainly traumatised. So I started reading 2 Samuel and became even more traumatised.
If you haven't read chapter 13, it is a brutal story of lust, envy, violence, the destruction of innocence and murder; in short it's a little slice of hell.
I'm sure I'm not the only person who has ever lived in hell.
What is true about hell is there is no way out.
So Tamar finds herself in hell, and no one can get her out, so she lives as "a desolate woman."
If you read it...you'll know she isn't mentioned again, you may tear through the following two chapters looking for her, looking for the upturn, looking for Jesus...but do you know what?
He's not there.
desolate
des·o·late [adj. des-uh-lit; v. des-uh-leyt] Show IPA adjective, verb, des·o·lat·ed, des·o·lat·ing.
adjective
1.
barren or laid waste; devastated: a treeless, desolate landscape.
2.
deprived or destitute of inhabitants; deserted; uninhabited.
3.
solitary; lonely: a desolate place.
4.
having the feeling of being abandoned by friends or by hope; forlorn.
5.
dreary; dismal; gloomy: desolate prospects.
And after sulking for a week, I finally realised not only have I lived as a desolate woman, but also without Jesus, without my church... I would still be living as a desolate woman. In fact I'm a breathe away, a click of the fingers away. Without Jesus I am a desolate woman.
So if I ever feature in your prayers, I don't want a car, a house or a pay rise, please pray for more Jesus for me; my prayer for you is the same.
If you haven't read chapter 13, it is a brutal story of lust, envy, violence, the destruction of innocence and murder; in short it's a little slice of hell.
I'm sure I'm not the only person who has ever lived in hell.
What is true about hell is there is no way out.
So Tamar finds herself in hell, and no one can get her out, so she lives as "a desolate woman."
If you read it...you'll know she isn't mentioned again, you may tear through the following two chapters looking for her, looking for the upturn, looking for Jesus...but do you know what?
He's not there.
desolate
des·o·late [adj. des-uh-lit; v. des-uh-leyt] Show IPA adjective, verb, des·o·lat·ed, des·o·lat·ing.
adjective
1.
barren or laid waste; devastated: a treeless, desolate landscape.
2.
deprived or destitute of inhabitants; deserted; uninhabited.
3.
solitary; lonely: a desolate place.
4.
having the feeling of being abandoned by friends or by hope; forlorn.
5.
dreary; dismal; gloomy: desolate prospects.
And after sulking for a week, I finally realised not only have I lived as a desolate woman, but also without Jesus, without my church... I would still be living as a desolate woman. In fact I'm a breathe away, a click of the fingers away. Without Jesus I am a desolate woman.
So if I ever feature in your prayers, I don't want a car, a house or a pay rise, please pray for more Jesus for me; my prayer for you is the same.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012
when is a bus not a bus?
when you can walk faster...
The usual principle of bus services is that if you take a number of people from destination A- destination B, you then provide a bus to collect the people from destination B and return them to destination A. Not so First Bus, south/west Wales, who much prefer to advertise the return journey and then just don't send it.
Mean while I stood stoically on the icy welsh hillside, where even the sheep would have sought a hedge, at the bus stop, which is a lie, and doesn't have a shelter, thinking I'm going to be ill...for forty-five minutes without getting angry! I just promised myself that I would never wait for a fictitious bus again. And when a bus came, I got it even though it was not going anywhere near my destination A.
It's this sort of thing that gets this town its name, and I don't mean Swansea...
The usual principle of bus services is that if you take a number of people from destination A- destination B, you then provide a bus to collect the people from destination B and return them to destination A. Not so First Bus, south/west Wales, who much prefer to advertise the return journey and then just don't send it.
Mean while I stood stoically on the icy welsh hillside, where even the sheep would have sought a hedge, at the bus stop, which is a lie, and doesn't have a shelter, thinking I'm going to be ill...for forty-five minutes without getting angry! I just promised myself that I would never wait for a fictitious bus again. And when a bus came, I got it even though it was not going anywhere near my destination A.
It's this sort of thing that gets this town its name, and I don't mean Swansea...
Friday, 21 September 2012
are you washed...?
My child is so tired, he's not speaking. This is a novel event in our house...I kind of like it, the way he's too tired to talk, the way he sleeps through...but I kinda miss him. This morning he announced he didn't want to go to school any more, because he was tired and he wanted to stay in the house in his PJ's and do nothing. So I spied on him when I dropped him at breakfast club.
There's nothing quite so lovely as spying on your child is there? I watched him get his cereal. He said please! He carried his own tray and didn't drop it...he called out to his friend to join him, he let the supervisor take his tray.
And I waved. But he couldn't see me. So he didn't wave back.
I didn't know his thoughts; but he looked to be having a very pleasant breakfast time and I was happy enough to run for the bus, and begin my thoughts of blood.
All month I have been obsessed with blood. Did you ever hear that song 'are you washed in the blood?'...did you ever wonder how you could be 'washed' in 'blood'? You know, 'Are you washed in the blood, in the soul cleansing blood of the Lamb...are your garments spotless are they white as snow, are you washed in the blood of the Lamb?' How could I be washed in blood?
Psalm 139:1-4 God knows your thoughts, before you express them.
Isaiah 43:25 God can choose not to remember your sins.
Leviticus 17:11 There has to be blood for atonement, the forgiveness of sins.
Hebrew 10:1-18 Only the blood of Christ will do.
Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
Isaiah 43:25
25 “I, even I, am he who blots out
your transgressions, for my own sake,
and remembers your sins no more.
Leviticus 17:11
11 For the life of a creature is in the blood, and I have given it to you to make atonement for yourselves on the altar; it is the blood that makes atonement for one’s life.
Hebrews 10:1-18
10 The law is only a shadow of the good things that are coming—not the realities themselves. For this reason it can never, by the same sacrifices repeated endlessly year after year, make perfect those who draw near to worship. 2 Otherwise, would they not have stopped being offered? For the worshipers would have been cleansed once for all, and would no longer have felt guilty for their sins. 3 But those sacrifices are an annual reminder of sins. 4 It is impossible for the blood of bulls and goats to take away sins.
5 Therefore, when Christ came into the world, he said:
“Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but a body you prepared for me;
6 with burnt offerings and sin offerings
you were not pleased.
7 Then I said, ‘Here I am—it is written about me in the scroll—
I have come to do your will, my God.’”
8 First he said, “Sacrifices and offerings, burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not desire, nor were you pleased with them”—though they were offered in accordance with the law. 9 Then he said, “Here I am, I have come to do your will.” He sets aside the first to establish the second. 10 And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.
11 Day after day every priest stands and performs his religious duties; again and again he offers the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. 12 But when this priest had offered for all time one sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God, 13 and since that time he waits for his enemies to be made his footstool. 14 For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.
15 The Holy Spirit also testifies to us about this. First he says:
16 “This is the covenant I will make with them
after that time, says the Lord.
I will put my laws in their hearts,
and I will write them on their minds.”
17 Then he adds:
“Their sins and lawless acts
I will remember no more."
18 And where these have been forgiven, sacrifice for sin is no longer necessary.
There's nothing quite so lovely as spying on your child is there? I watched him get his cereal. He said please! He carried his own tray and didn't drop it...he called out to his friend to join him, he let the supervisor take his tray.
And I waved. But he couldn't see me. So he didn't wave back.
I didn't know his thoughts; but he looked to be having a very pleasant breakfast time and I was happy enough to run for the bus, and begin my thoughts of blood.
All month I have been obsessed with blood. Did you ever hear that song 'are you washed in the blood?'...did you ever wonder how you could be 'washed' in 'blood'? You know, 'Are you washed in the blood, in the soul cleansing blood of the Lamb...are your garments spotless are they white as snow, are you washed in the blood of the Lamb?' How could I be washed in blood?
Psalm 139:1-4 God knows your thoughts, before you express them.
Isaiah 43:25 God can choose not to remember your sins.
Leviticus 17:11 There has to be blood for atonement, the forgiveness of sins.
Hebrew 10:1-18 Only the blood of Christ will do.
Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
Isaiah 43:25
25 “I, even I, am he who blots out
your transgressions, for my own sake,
and remembers your sins no more.
Leviticus 17:11
11 For the life of a creature is in the blood, and I have given it to you to make atonement for yourselves on the altar; it is the blood that makes atonement for one’s life.
Hebrews 10:1-18
10 The law is only a shadow of the good things that are coming—not the realities themselves. For this reason it can never, by the same sacrifices repeated endlessly year after year, make perfect those who draw near to worship. 2 Otherwise, would they not have stopped being offered? For the worshipers would have been cleansed once for all, and would no longer have felt guilty for their sins. 3 But those sacrifices are an annual reminder of sins. 4 It is impossible for the blood of bulls and goats to take away sins.
5 Therefore, when Christ came into the world, he said:
“Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but a body you prepared for me;
6 with burnt offerings and sin offerings
you were not pleased.
7 Then I said, ‘Here I am—it is written about me in the scroll—
I have come to do your will, my God.’”
8 First he said, “Sacrifices and offerings, burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not desire, nor were you pleased with them”—though they were offered in accordance with the law. 9 Then he said, “Here I am, I have come to do your will.” He sets aside the first to establish the second. 10 And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.
11 Day after day every priest stands and performs his religious duties; again and again he offers the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. 12 But when this priest had offered for all time one sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God, 13 and since that time he waits for his enemies to be made his footstool. 14 For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.
15 The Holy Spirit also testifies to us about this. First he says:
16 “This is the covenant I will make with them
after that time, says the Lord.
I will put my laws in their hearts,
and I will write them on their minds.”
17 Then he adds:
“Their sins and lawless acts
I will remember no more."
18 And where these have been forgiven, sacrifice for sin is no longer necessary.
Saturday, 15 September 2012
Mary Magdalene; a life of gratitude
Some things really don't need explanation do they?
Like if someone breaks their arm, and then they are glad when it is fixed.
But they don't forget the time they broke their arm, do they?
45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”
Luke 7:45-47
and also some women who had been cured of evil spirits and diseases: Mary (called Magdalene) from whom seven demons had come out;
Luke 8:1-3
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
Galatians 5:1-3
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
John 8:31-33
Leviticus 7:12
“‘If they offer it as an expression of thankfulness, then along with this thank offering they are to offer thick loaves made without yeast and with olive oil mixed in, thin loaves made without yeast and brushed with oil, and thick loaves of the finest flour well-kneaded and with oil mixed in.
rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.
Colossians 2:6-8
Like if someone breaks their arm, and then they are glad when it is fixed.
But they don't forget the time they broke their arm, do they?
45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”
Luke 7:45-47
and also some women who had been cured of evil spirits and diseases: Mary (called Magdalene) from whom seven demons had come out;
Luke 8:1-3
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
Galatians 5:1-3
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
John 8:31-33
Leviticus 7:12
“‘If they offer it as an expression of thankfulness, then along with this thank offering they are to offer thick loaves made without yeast and with olive oil mixed in, thin loaves made without yeast and brushed with oil, and thick loaves of the finest flour well-kneaded and with oil mixed in.
rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.
Colossians 2:6-8
Friday, 7 September 2012
...it's a first
We love because he first loved us.
1 John 4:18-20
Life with Jesus is a life full of firsts;
first espresso with sugar,
first work leavers party,
first snakes and ladders championship
first trampoline,
first trip to Poland,
first pair of pearl earrings...
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Matthew 6:32-34
Tuesday, 28 August 2012
staying sane with RBT
On the phone to my mum, my mum does that thing where she relays what I say to my dad,
'Ron, Ron, she says, she's not bothered about all that, Ron, she says she's just interested in not being a complete and utter nutter...'
There is much laughter.
When I put the phone down I stare at it.
The Institute of Psychology did a study on people born in 1972, basically those people exposed to drugs in their young age (before the age of 18) haven't faired well in age in terms of intelligence.
The comedian in me conjures a picture of a government official desperately trying to find some forty year olds without a fried egg for a brain.
But they don't have to tell me, I can produce the statistics anecdotally...the just say no generation, said yes, alright, go on then...even The Institute of Psychology don't have the full story and even if they did, I guess they wouldn't tell us.
And that's what falling for lies does to you; it wounds you, it grieves you, it robs you blind.
What did I learn about Jesus in this month's RBT...?
I don't ever, ever, ever...infinity, ever want to lose him, not ever.
1 Thessalonians 1:4 For we know, brothers and sisters loved by God, that he has chosen you, 5 because our gospel came to you not simply with words but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and deep conviction.
For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.
2 Corinthians 4:5-7
'Ron, Ron, she says, she's not bothered about all that, Ron, she says she's just interested in not being a complete and utter nutter...'
There is much laughter.
When I put the phone down I stare at it.
The Institute of Psychology did a study on people born in 1972, basically those people exposed to drugs in their young age (before the age of 18) haven't faired well in age in terms of intelligence.
The comedian in me conjures a picture of a government official desperately trying to find some forty year olds without a fried egg for a brain.
But they don't have to tell me, I can produce the statistics anecdotally...the just say no generation, said yes, alright, go on then...even The Institute of Psychology don't have the full story and even if they did, I guess they wouldn't tell us.
And that's what falling for lies does to you; it wounds you, it grieves you, it robs you blind.
What did I learn about Jesus in this month's RBT...?
I don't ever, ever, ever...infinity, ever want to lose him, not ever.
1 Thessalonians 1:4 For we know, brothers and sisters loved by God, that he has chosen you, 5 because our gospel came to you not simply with words but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and deep conviction.
For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.
2 Corinthians 4:5-7
Monday, 27 August 2012
Let's talk about lust...
If you are widowed, divorced, finished with rubbish relationships, if you've just become a Christian, if you are thinking about getting married or even if you are married, at some point you are going to have to get a handle on Lust because it is not a male preserve.
A lady's lust is used to living in the cellar and as a result she has underdeveloped eyes and ears, besides she does not want to see and she does not listen. She likes very much to dress up as different characters, she likes to play Nurse and A Bit Of Fun and her favourite dressing up is Love, all fluffy and pink with red beating hearts.
Lust is usually kept happy by your frequent day visits. But when Lust realises you are not visiting quite as frequently any more she will to coin a phrase, kick right off and even chocolate will not calm her down. The voice of Lust says, 'you're not normal, everyone else is doing it, there's something wrong with you, look at her...even she manages it... just this once' and 'IT'S NOT FAIR. I HAVE TO. You can't stop me. It's my basic human right...See ME...' Blah , blah, unfortunately Lust's mouth is very over developed.
Your first response to an out of control Lust might be, 'Right...I'm going to bury that sucker.' And you might have some success...starved of the attention she craves she will shrink but try to imagine Lust as that psycho in a film, the one that just will not die whatever you throw at it, machetes, bullets, the A-bomb...six-feet of soil...she still manages to claw her way out grasping for her stiletto.
And just when I think 'I have no control over this freak...' I think I got some of the answer...I have no control over this freak. The one thing that makes Lust kick off is not to be seen, so my advice is see her but ignore her, and do not feed her, write your list of top favourite things to do without Lust and every time she raises her ugly deformed head, do them instead...enjoy the sound of her shriek...'I'm Melt-ing...'
Because make no mistake Lust out of control will take everything; your list, your keys...your shoes THE LOT. So double, double enjoy everything Lust can't get her filthy mits on...and finally if you truly, truly love someone...don't let HER near them x
1 Thessalonian s 3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;
4 that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable,
5 not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God;
6 and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister.
The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before.
7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.
8 Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit.
9 Now about your love for one another we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. 10 And in fact, you do love all of God’s family throughout Macedonia. Yet we urge you, brothers and sisters, to do so more and more,
11 and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you,
12 so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.
A lady's lust is used to living in the cellar and as a result she has underdeveloped eyes and ears, besides she does not want to see and she does not listen. She likes very much to dress up as different characters, she likes to play Nurse and A Bit Of Fun and her favourite dressing up is Love, all fluffy and pink with red beating hearts.
Lust is usually kept happy by your frequent day visits. But when Lust realises you are not visiting quite as frequently any more she will to coin a phrase, kick right off and even chocolate will not calm her down. The voice of Lust says, 'you're not normal, everyone else is doing it, there's something wrong with you, look at her...even she manages it... just this once' and 'IT'S NOT FAIR. I HAVE TO. You can't stop me. It's my basic human right...See ME...' Blah , blah, unfortunately Lust's mouth is very over developed.
Your first response to an out of control Lust might be, 'Right...I'm going to bury that sucker.' And you might have some success...starved of the attention she craves she will shrink but try to imagine Lust as that psycho in a film, the one that just will not die whatever you throw at it, machetes, bullets, the A-bomb...six-feet of soil...she still manages to claw her way out grasping for her stiletto.
And just when I think 'I have no control over this freak...' I think I got some of the answer...I have no control over this freak. The one thing that makes Lust kick off is not to be seen, so my advice is see her but ignore her, and do not feed her, write your list of top favourite things to do without Lust and every time she raises her ugly deformed head, do them instead...enjoy the sound of her shriek...'I'm Melt-ing...'
Because make no mistake Lust out of control will take everything; your list, your keys...your shoes THE LOT. So double, double enjoy everything Lust can't get her filthy mits on...and finally if you truly, truly love someone...don't let HER near them x
1 Thessalonian s 3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;
4 that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable,
5 not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God;
6 and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister.
The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before.
7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.
8 Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit.
9 Now about your love for one another we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. 10 And in fact, you do love all of God’s family throughout Macedonia. Yet we urge you, brothers and sisters, to do so more and more,
11 and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you,
12 so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.
Sunday, 26 August 2012
the art of being boring...
Does it come as a surprise to you that there are lots of mundane moments in life? Like does it seem that life is all about bedtimes, alarm clocks and washing the dishes or hoovering? Why is this such a shock? And if you could be honest are there good early to beds? Early get ups? Reasons to get up?
If you devote your time to looking for the party...you will always be looking for the party your whole life an endless, endlessly unsatisfied search. The fruit of the party search is a restless, perpetual hangover.
If you put your mind to it, your heart and soul into it, I defy you to be bored in your home. There is not the time. Housework is not boring, your home isn't boring, your kids aren't boring, you are not boring, unless you are constantly telling yourself you should be doing something else, dragging yourself helplessly and hopelessly through your life that in your wisdom...you have decided isn't good enough or exciting or fun enough for you...sighing, sighing, doing half jobs, half-heartedly, then yep, you are boring, you are bored, and you are a bore.
But if you embrace who you are, where you are and what you have to do, and get stuck in, the fruit of that will be a home, you'll be boring sure, but you'll never be bored.
Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”
Luke 7:49-50
If you devote your time to looking for the party...you will always be looking for the party your whole life an endless, endlessly unsatisfied search. The fruit of the party search is a restless, perpetual hangover.
If you put your mind to it, your heart and soul into it, I defy you to be bored in your home. There is not the time. Housework is not boring, your home isn't boring, your kids aren't boring, you are not boring, unless you are constantly telling yourself you should be doing something else, dragging yourself helplessly and hopelessly through your life that in your wisdom...you have decided isn't good enough or exciting or fun enough for you...sighing, sighing, doing half jobs, half-heartedly, then yep, you are boring, you are bored, and you are a bore.
But if you embrace who you are, where you are and what you have to do, and get stuck in, the fruit of that will be a home, you'll be boring sure, but you'll never be bored.
Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”
Luke 7:49-50
Friday, 24 August 2012
...take another little piece of my heart now, baby
Manipulation is when someone tries to make you do something you don't want to do, the dictionary definition is,
1.to manage or influence skillfully, especially in an unfair manner: to manipulate people's feelings.
Basically if you are in the sphere of someone's manipulation, they have the skill, they are the puppet master, you are the puppet. The sphere of influence is vast, as suggested by the artful nature of the manipulator...nothing is off limits, mind, heart, body and soul, even children?
It's the five finger heart exploding technique.
The voice of manipulation sounds like this, 'Well, I'm glad you are okay. If you think that's right. There's nothing I can do. I'm doing my best. You can't ask for more than that. I will help you. I love you. I have always loved you. No one loves you like I do....'
Can you hear the drone of your puppet master? Are your strings tweaking?
The manipulator will not stop trying to manipulate you, even if your heart does explode, because that is the goal, the only way to stop the puppet master is to cut your own strings.
The way to cut your strings is to buy some ear plugs. Then be brutally honest with yourself; what do you really want? How big is the gap between what you really, really want and what your puppet master says you want? What do you think you are getting? What are you getting?
Good luck with the scissors.
1.to manage or influence skillfully, especially in an unfair manner: to manipulate people's feelings.
Basically if you are in the sphere of someone's manipulation, they have the skill, they are the puppet master, you are the puppet. The sphere of influence is vast, as suggested by the artful nature of the manipulator...nothing is off limits, mind, heart, body and soul, even children?
It's the five finger heart exploding technique.
The voice of manipulation sounds like this, 'Well, I'm glad you are okay. If you think that's right. There's nothing I can do. I'm doing my best. You can't ask for more than that. I will help you. I love you. I have always loved you. No one loves you like I do....'
Can you hear the drone of your puppet master? Are your strings tweaking?
The manipulator will not stop trying to manipulate you, even if your heart does explode, because that is the goal, the only way to stop the puppet master is to cut your own strings.
The way to cut your strings is to buy some ear plugs. Then be brutally honest with yourself; what do you really want? How big is the gap between what you really, really want and what your puppet master says you want? What do you think you are getting? What are you getting?
Good luck with the scissors.
Wednesday, 22 August 2012
locust years
“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten— the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm — my great army that I sent among you.
Joel 2:24-26
Monday, 20 August 2012
dziekuje -( jen-ku-je)
Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name.
1 Chronicles 29:12-14
Today God answered a prayer...it came from right out of the blue...and smacked me right into the chops, so that I actually staggered a bit and finally had to sit down for a while.
I do not deserve God's love. God's mercy. God's help. I do not deserve to have my prayers answered or even listened to.
And this answer to prayer is actually more than I prayed for, its actually an answer to more than one prayer...it is perfect! It is perfection. It is God.
Monday, 13 August 2012
....People try to put us...DOWN
The upside to not being able to sleep before a flight is you will sleep during the flight.
So I'm off to Poland...
...and I have no intention of meeting or bringing back a husband!
It's not a game of rounders. I'm not the last to be picked for team...unhappy shoppers.
Where would we be if everyone got married?
I really must extol the virtues of the single, for one thing without 'husband' there is much more time to read...true fact.
Besides of which I have fallen in love with Roger Doltery, despite the age gap.
Will anything or anyone resonate with me quite as much as talking about my generation, on my forth coming trip?
Maybe I will sit next to someone on the plane...I have enough paper with me to do that dropping the paper pathetically thing in the security queue, should I be called to. (I'm already checked in...)
Or perhaps I will have a life changing exchange over a bowl of Zupa...who knows?
Who cares?
One thing I do know this door has opened, so I go through it, probably singing, 'Spice up your life....Slam it to the left if your having a good time...hi see y'ha - HA!
HOLD TIGHT!'
Marrieds may well be suspicious of singles because they suspect they have a nicer time shopping...but that's no reason to inflict it on the rest of us...putting the fear that if we reach out for that packet of crunchy nut corn flakes at just the same time, ...our happy shopping days could be over forever.
Furthermore, my hope is in Jesus. Not in my G-g-generation and not in a husband either, because my prayer is that the word of God will continue its miraculous work in me, which sorry fans and happy shoppers alike, will produce many more miracles, revelations and peaceable shopping trips than any husband ever could.
And on that note I will share 1 Thessalonians chapter 2 and chapter 4
'but with the help of our God we dared to tell you his gospel in the face of strong opposition.'
So I'm off to Poland...
...and I have no intention of meeting or bringing back a husband!
It's not a game of rounders. I'm not the last to be picked for team...unhappy shoppers.
Where would we be if everyone got married?
I really must extol the virtues of the single, for one thing without 'husband' there is much more time to read...true fact.
Besides of which I have fallen in love with Roger Doltery, despite the age gap.
Will anything or anyone resonate with me quite as much as talking about my generation, on my forth coming trip?
Maybe I will sit next to someone on the plane...I have enough paper with me to do that dropping the paper pathetically thing in the security queue, should I be called to. (I'm already checked in...)
Or perhaps I will have a life changing exchange over a bowl of Zupa...who knows?
Who cares?
One thing I do know this door has opened, so I go through it, probably singing, 'Spice up your life....Slam it to the left if your having a good time...hi see y'ha - HA!
HOLD TIGHT!'
Marrieds may well be suspicious of singles because they suspect they have a nicer time shopping...but that's no reason to inflict it on the rest of us...putting the fear that if we reach out for that packet of crunchy nut corn flakes at just the same time, ...our happy shopping days could be over forever.
Furthermore, my hope is in Jesus. Not in my G-g-generation and not in a husband either, because my prayer is that the word of God will continue its miraculous work in me, which sorry fans and happy shoppers alike, will produce many more miracles, revelations and peaceable shopping trips than any husband ever could.
And on that note I will share 1 Thessalonians chapter 2 and chapter 4
'but with the help of our God we dared to tell you his gospel in the face of strong opposition.'
Saturday, 11 August 2012
name page
R- rebellious, riotous, rude,
E- egotistical, energetic, entertaining,
B- beautiful, benevolent, bonkers,
E- empathetic, electric, eccentric,
C- caring, cool, catty, callous,
C- calm in a crisis, critical, caring
A- active, alive, ace, astonishing,
L- lippy, lively, lovely, loving,
I- insensitive, irritating, irritable,
S- super, strong, striking, salty,
E- episodic, extreme, extrovert,
T- tender, talkative, tasty,
T- talented, tenacious, tender.
E- egotistical, energetic, entertaining,
B- beautiful, benevolent, bonkers,
E- empathetic, electric, eccentric,
C- caring, cool, catty, callous,
C- calm in a crisis, critical, caring
A- active, alive, ace, astonishing,
L- lippy, lively, lovely, loving,
I- insensitive, irritating, irritable,
S- super, strong, striking, salty,
E- episodic, extreme, extrovert,
T- tender, talkative, tasty,
T- talented, tenacious, tender.
Thursday, 9 August 2012
At Barber Booth
My Dad sees smooth deep crystals
form a drift between two hills,
running and skipping
off his shoes, he rips
the Anorak from his back,
tugs the v-neck over his chest
and starts to unlock his denims.
Us three kids and our mum
watch him dive, naked into the flurry.
Monday, 6 August 2012
Philipians or bust....
My conviction this month is crippling! Not that it is a particular shock to me that I'm horrid, or even how horrid I am, it's more that now I know how horrid I am...I keep on finding out how utterly horrid I am!
We are reading Paul's letters, every woman's favourite apostle! Actually I do warm to him, really- he's actually not that concerned with gender, he's more interested in heaven, he's interested in Jesus, and in Philipians he reminds us to follow Christ's example.
Philipians 2 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
Now women, by nature, by design are supposed to be good at this selfless love stuff, having to give their bodies over to babies for much longer than nine months etc.
But there are lots of ways around this, secret womanly ways...one of these ways is martyrdom.
So martyrdom goes like this; "I'm so glad you are sitting down, finding time to have a bath, cut your toe nails...I'm sure I do not know when my jobs will end...."
Another one is moods! Moods are fantastic! Especially when you spread the mood, oh yes, you are expert in inflicting the mood..."I'm in a mood...I'm angry...I'm upset...I'm tired...I'm lonely..."
The cry of the mood? "Share ME, share ME, share ME..."
I guess the next one is my total favourite, woo-hoo, fits of rage... now this can range any where from mild irritation, "shut up..." to full-blown psychotic episodes "I hate you, the world and everything in it..." and Paul informs me these are not fruit of the spirit, these are from the sinful nature...these are to do with your own self interest. And the voice of self interest will justify your anger until the cows come home. The voice of self interest is "ME, WANT, NEED, I, AM."
So Jesus says humble yourself to put others before yourself...self...self...and you might think how on earth can I do that? So he gives you an amazing example and dies on a cross for you...you...you.
Philipians
5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
We are reading Paul's letters, every woman's favourite apostle! Actually I do warm to him, really- he's actually not that concerned with gender, he's more interested in heaven, he's interested in Jesus, and in Philipians he reminds us to follow Christ's example.
Philipians 2 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
Now women, by nature, by design are supposed to be good at this selfless love stuff, having to give their bodies over to babies for much longer than nine months etc.
But there are lots of ways around this, secret womanly ways...one of these ways is martyrdom.
So martyrdom goes like this; "I'm so glad you are sitting down, finding time to have a bath, cut your toe nails...I'm sure I do not know when my jobs will end...."
Another one is moods! Moods are fantastic! Especially when you spread the mood, oh yes, you are expert in inflicting the mood..."I'm in a mood...I'm angry...I'm upset...I'm tired...I'm lonely..."
The cry of the mood? "Share ME, share ME, share ME..."
I guess the next one is my total favourite, woo-hoo, fits of rage... now this can range any where from mild irritation, "shut up..." to full-blown psychotic episodes "I hate you, the world and everything in it..." and Paul informs me these are not fruit of the spirit, these are from the sinful nature...these are to do with your own self interest. And the voice of self interest will justify your anger until the cows come home. The voice of self interest is "ME, WANT, NEED, I, AM."
So Jesus says humble yourself to put others before yourself...self...self...and you might think how on earth can I do that? So he gives you an amazing example and dies on a cross for you...you...you.
Philipians
5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
6 Who, being in very nature[a] God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
7 rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death —
even death on a cross!
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
7 rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death —
even death on a cross!
Friday, 3 August 2012
foible
I am a forty year old divorced mother of two boys, 17 and 4 there's kind of no way I haven't done life! And today I'd like to go all out in defence of no more men and no more children, for me. I get the strange feeling that this preference is never quite wholly believed...and sure shoot me down, wed me and help produce our late, loved unexpected brood...but I do look forward to lie ins and a lot more news papers...I just don't wake up and think ooo babygrows and nappies...my last thought at night is not of a man.
I think after such a colourful life (and that is a euphemism) and after raising both my children without a father/husband...I rather think it is a good thing that I have discovered peace, and happiness without endlessly trailing around after another man and another baby...I mean I don't even want a dog. I like babies...I like men...fair enough I don't like dogs...But I think if a lady like me says she doesn't want to go through all that again, er there might be good reason and she should not be somehow treated as if there is something wrong with her, something somehow missing in her because she no longer finds baby aisles attractive.
One thing it has made me understand is you can't just want a husband...or just want to be a wife it kind of has to be happening to you for example someone said the back of my neck was beautiful;
I didn't immediately run home and choose my wedding colours, I didn't dream of our first child because that would be ridiculous and frankly a bit weird, admittedly I do have a beautiful neck but that is no reason to want to wash someone's underpants.
It neither means there is anything missing, that I am somehow incomplete, or have had something essential beaten out of me by various prolonged heart breaks...I think my existing children, my wider family would very much take issue with this having benefited greatly from my acceptance, nay love of singledom.
Further more did Jesus hard time Mary Magdeline? In fact in Luke when some Sadducees are asking about 'complex' marriage histories... Jesus only points out,
“The people of this age marry and are given in marriage. 35 But those who are considered worthy of taking part in the age to come and in the resurrection from the dead will neither marry nor be given in marriage, 36 and they can no longer die; for they are like the angels. They are God’s children, since they are children of the resurrection. "
And I think it should be deeply encouraging and wonderful to meet someone, who by God's grace has learnt to appreciate the blessings of her earthly existence.
I think after such a colourful life (and that is a euphemism) and after raising both my children without a father/husband...I rather think it is a good thing that I have discovered peace, and happiness without endlessly trailing around after another man and another baby...I mean I don't even want a dog. I like babies...I like men...fair enough I don't like dogs...But I think if a lady like me says she doesn't want to go through all that again, er there might be good reason and she should not be somehow treated as if there is something wrong with her, something somehow missing in her because she no longer finds baby aisles attractive.
One thing it has made me understand is you can't just want a husband...or just want to be a wife it kind of has to be happening to you for example someone said the back of my neck was beautiful;
I didn't immediately run home and choose my wedding colours, I didn't dream of our first child because that would be ridiculous and frankly a bit weird, admittedly I do have a beautiful neck but that is no reason to want to wash someone's underpants.
It neither means there is anything missing, that I am somehow incomplete, or have had something essential beaten out of me by various prolonged heart breaks...I think my existing children, my wider family would very much take issue with this having benefited greatly from my acceptance, nay love of singledom.
Further more did Jesus hard time Mary Magdeline? In fact in Luke when some Sadducees are asking about 'complex' marriage histories... Jesus only points out,
“The people of this age marry and are given in marriage. 35 But those who are considered worthy of taking part in the age to come and in the resurrection from the dead will neither marry nor be given in marriage, 36 and they can no longer die; for they are like the angels. They are God’s children, since they are children of the resurrection. "
And I think it should be deeply encouraging and wonderful to meet someone, who by God's grace has learnt to appreciate the blessings of her earthly existence.
Thursday, 2 August 2012
trampoline
will you dream of jumping high
somersaults and rolly-poly,
scissor kick or double twist
jumping over the moon,
over Saturn's rings and Venus
and a whole heaven full of stars?
somersaults and rolly-poly,
scissor kick or double twist
jumping over the moon,
over Saturn's rings and Venus
and a whole heaven full of stars?
Sunday, 29 July 2012
sunday lunch
I know our theme song.
I know you're my family.
I don't know I can be so happy.
I know I eat too much, and I can't resist a second scone.
I don't know the ins and outs.
I don't know everyone's story.
I know I like flowers on dresses.
I know I'm safe.
I don't know where all the food comes from.
I know I keep seeing you carrying plates and dishes.
I don't know if you are happy.
I don't know why anyone likes me.
I know this is like a holiday.
I don't know how long you've lived here.
I know children are bouncing and climbing trees.
I don't know how it will work out.
I know the neighbours didn't come.
I don't know what to say until you crack a joke.
I know I wish I didn't say what I think so much.
I don't know I wish I would.
Thursday, 26 July 2012
Luke RBT
1:38 “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered.
8:50 “Don’t be afraid; just believe..."
21:19 "Stand firm, and you will win life."
19:10 " For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”
24:50-53 "When he had led them out to the vicinity of Bethany, he lifted up his hands and blessed them. 51 While he was blessing them, he left them and was taken up into heaven. 52 Then they worshiped him and returned to Jerusalem with great joy. 53 And they stayed continually at the temple, praising God.
8:50 “Don’t be afraid; just believe..."
21:19 "Stand firm, and you will win life."
19:10 " For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”
24:50-53 "When he had led them out to the vicinity of Bethany, he lifted up his hands and blessed them. 51 While he was blessing them, he left them and was taken up into heaven. 52 Then they worshiped him and returned to Jerusalem with great joy. 53 And they stayed continually at the temple, praising God.
Saturday, 7 July 2012
...a handbag...
"Kate Middleton has one of these..."
It is not a selling point or shouldn't be
for nearly a whole month's wages.
It's not going to change my life or my mind,
although it does perfectly match my new shoes...
I will need to love the straps of it, the buckles,
all of its snakery, and its pockets with perfect
zip-up.
I will change my walk, the way I talk
(if I can be bothered)
to become the very stylish (older) owner
of this handbag, each breath from now on
will be drawn as tribute to me becoming myself!
"I love this handbag so much they will
have to cut it from my rigor mortised grip,
on the last days."
'Kerr-ching!'
It is not a selling point or shouldn't be
for nearly a whole month's wages.
It's not going to change my life or my mind,
although it does perfectly match my new shoes...
I will need to love the straps of it, the buckles,
all of its snakery, and its pockets with perfect
zip-up.
I will change my walk, the way I talk
(if I can be bothered)
to become the very stylish (older) owner
of this handbag, each breath from now on
will be drawn as tribute to me becoming myself!
"I love this handbag so much they will
have to cut it from my rigor mortised grip,
on the last days."
'Kerr-ching!'
Monday, 2 July 2012
Grace
I am feeling better today...by God's grace.
Grace is the help we don't deserve but God freely gives.
God doesn't show you the bad someone else does, he shows you the bad you do...which is a bit agonising but eventually it is empowering, a counsellor once said to me, "If you change your reaction, you will get a different response." At the time I thought that was a pretty dumb thing to say to someone who was clearly in counselling because they couldn't change their reactions, and therefore were not getting a different response.
But I have to say it is true.
I feel like my confidence has been restored because I know now I've seen the truth, little by little and with God's grace I am going to be able to react differently...little by little until even the memory of it is gone...nothing is different today, no lightning bolts(I don't think), I haven't won the lottery...but I have got a lovely clean and harmonious house.
I don't deserve it... but I've got it.
Grace is the help we don't deserve but God freely gives.
God doesn't show you the bad someone else does, he shows you the bad you do...which is a bit agonising but eventually it is empowering, a counsellor once said to me, "If you change your reaction, you will get a different response." At the time I thought that was a pretty dumb thing to say to someone who was clearly in counselling because they couldn't change their reactions, and therefore were not getting a different response.
But I have to say it is true.
I feel like my confidence has been restored because I know now I've seen the truth, little by little and with God's grace I am going to be able to react differently...little by little until even the memory of it is gone...nothing is different today, no lightning bolts(I don't think), I haven't won the lottery...but I have got a lovely clean and harmonious house.
I don't deserve it... but I've got it.
Sunday, 1 July 2012
why not rather be wronged?
How many times have I failed this?
I'm thinking maybe the reason I keep being tested on it, is because I keep failing it.
It's not as if I can't handle it, I'm used to it...but that doesn't help.
Taping my lips together and my hands behind my back or resorting to a staple gun is looking attractive...
but then I don't want to fail!
I don't want to kick off and get hurt and confused and not know right from wrong.
Matthew 5:37
All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.
My greatest desire is to see God fight for me.
Exodus 14:14
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.
So yes I'm not going to need the staples.
I'm thinking maybe the reason I keep being tested on it, is because I keep failing it.
It's not as if I can't handle it, I'm used to it...but that doesn't help.
Taping my lips together and my hands behind my back or resorting to a staple gun is looking attractive...
but then I don't want to fail!
I don't want to kick off and get hurt and confused and not know right from wrong.
Matthew 5:37
All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.
My greatest desire is to see God fight for me.
Exodus 14:14
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.
So yes I'm not going to need the staples.
Monday, 25 June 2012
not dead yet
so...the not yet dead conviction is with me like a beached whale in need of an army of wheel borrows...to begin excavation before the stench takes over the coast line and surrounding villages. Yes, and it's not even a funny one, (that's actually the closest I've had to a laugh at it...)
It all started with Jeremiah, all my half hearted, wishy washy, perfunctory-ness!
Then the full on slap of just being old before my time, and somewhat hardened, waiting for retirement, which is realistically a while away!
Followed, rather glamorously I think, by the image of the walking corpse.
Now I recognise the clean blow of the sword of truth so there's no problem there.
And I think I have part of the revelation from John 8:31-47 which lifted me slightly and definitely gave me a prayer.
But I must admit I'm still in the sulk-age, but desperately awaiting transformation stage, and I'm definitely still justifying myself with a rather large dollop of poor me.
You see I reckon it all started when I began liking things I hate and hating things I like...I used to be the most opinionated person I have ever met...I knew what I liked, I knew what I hated but now I'm like, er I don't watch football any more, I think I'm softening towards the Queen actually...sorry but who, actually is this person anyway?
I have painted my nails in the girl-brain hope that this may be a step in the right direction.
...John 8:32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.
...John 8:36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
It all started with Jeremiah, all my half hearted, wishy washy, perfunctory-ness!
Then the full on slap of just being old before my time, and somewhat hardened, waiting for retirement, which is realistically a while away!
Followed, rather glamorously I think, by the image of the walking corpse.
Now I recognise the clean blow of the sword of truth so there's no problem there.
And I think I have part of the revelation from John 8:31-47 which lifted me slightly and definitely gave me a prayer.
But I must admit I'm still in the sulk-age, but desperately awaiting transformation stage, and I'm definitely still justifying myself with a rather large dollop of poor me.
You see I reckon it all started when I began liking things I hate and hating things I like...I used to be the most opinionated person I have ever met...I knew what I liked, I knew what I hated but now I'm like, er I don't watch football any more, I think I'm softening towards the Queen actually...sorry but who, actually is this person anyway?
I have painted my nails in the girl-brain hope that this may be a step in the right direction.
...John 8:32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.
...John 8:36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
Tuesday, 19 June 2012
Impulse
When a man you've never met before
walks up to you and convicts you
so badly you cry for two days
and standing, staring with tears
rolling down your face crying
you think never, ever will end
...it is not the perfume you are wearing.
walks up to you and convicts you
so badly you cry for two days
and standing, staring with tears
rolling down your face crying
you think never, ever will end
...it is not the perfume you are wearing.
Sunday, 17 June 2012
Psalm psychology
57:2 I cry out to God Most High,
to God, who fulfils his purpose for me.
66:16 Come and hear, all you who fear God;
let me tell you what he has done for me.
73:28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.
76:4 You are radiant with light,
more majestic than mountains rich with game.
Tuesday, 12 June 2012
Jesus said, I am
destined
anointed
blessed
in tune
plugged in
the son of man
the miracle man
the saviour
the chosen one
the lamb
the babe
in the stable,
the rescuer
the redeemer
your Saviour
salvation
the way
the truth
the life
the word
the sword
the Lord
when asked if he was willing...
Jesus answered, “I am."
Sunday, 10 June 2012
let's go all the way
This week I have mostly been wrong.
What I have discovered about being wrong is usually I set off thinking, I was a little bit wrong there...it's accompanied by an uncomfortable feeling, somehow things are not quite right...
then...I start madly justifying myself, but there's also another voice saying, if you're justifying yourself... you are wrong..!
Slowly I'm getting wound up, and the slightly uncomfortable feeling is growing into anger, frustration and upset.
Then I start praying about it and I'm like this can't be right, and God is the calm in the storm of my mind turmoil...but I don't like what he's saying because he's saying I'm wrong...too,
and then finally I see my pride, that cannot allow me to be wrong...me wrong..? and so wrong..!
But I am wrong and finally I say it, I do not choose myself because I am wrong and in that moment when I admit am wrong, harmony is restored and I'm back to my lovely, slightly quirky self, thinking, thank you God, I was only so wrong!
What I have discovered about being wrong is usually I set off thinking, I was a little bit wrong there...it's accompanied by an uncomfortable feeling, somehow things are not quite right...
then...I start madly justifying myself, but there's also another voice saying, if you're justifying yourself... you are wrong..!
Slowly I'm getting wound up, and the slightly uncomfortable feeling is growing into anger, frustration and upset.
Then I start praying about it and I'm like this can't be right, and God is the calm in the storm of my mind turmoil...but I don't like what he's saying because he's saying I'm wrong...too,
and then finally I see my pride, that cannot allow me to be wrong...me wrong..? and so wrong..!
But I am wrong and finally I say it, I do not choose myself because I am wrong and in that moment when I admit am wrong, harmony is restored and I'm back to my lovely, slightly quirky self, thinking, thank you God, I was only so wrong!
Thursday, 7 June 2012
ladies who read psalm 77
1 I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to God to hear me.
2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands,
and I would not be comforted.
3 I remembered you, God, and I groaned;
I meditated, and my spirit grew faint.
4 You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.
5 I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;
6 I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart meditated and my spirit asked:
7 “Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favour again?
8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion? ”
10 Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand.
11 I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12 I will consider all your works
and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”
13 Your ways, God, are holy.
What god is as great as our God?
14 You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.
15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
16 The waters saw you, God,
the waters saw you and writhed;
the very depths were convulsed.
17 The clouds poured down water,
the heavens resounded with thunder;
your arrows flashed back and forth.
18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
your lightning lit up the world;
the earth trembled and quaked.
19 Your path led through the sea,
your way through the mighty waters,
though your footprints were not seen.
20 You led your people like a flock
by the hand of Moses and Aaron.
ladies who read psalms 1
63:6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
8 I cling to you;
your right hand upholds me.
73:21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
28 ... as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.
Tuesday, 5 June 2012
Jeremiah
had nothing, no friends, no church, no chance...
no one listened to him, no one liked him.
His job was impossible and dangerous...
he didn't get it, no one else got it.
He had one little wobble and God
said, 'well it's gonna get alot worse.'
He's the guy no one wants to be...
He's the consolation when you are sick of being you
...and yet in 600 years or so BC
Jeremiah had Jesus.
Saturday, 2 June 2012
Friday, 1 June 2012
Thursday, 31 May 2012
Jeremiah RBT shares
Jesus is the Lord of our righteousness he takes the cup of wrath for us 33:17
Sin is 'deceptive' 3:23 and must be punished 6:10
God requires whole hearted repentence 3:10
God is judgement and punishment 7:31, 48:26
God moves us on, changes us, 7:24
Salt and light 13:15
Comforter 31:16
Church 31:25, 15:19-21
Prayer 33:3
Saturday, 26 May 2012
Tuesday, 22 May 2012
Signpost
For all the prayers you answer,
all the times you listen to my tears,
my ranting, my horribles,
for making me feel like I can go on.
Thank you Lord Jesus, I am not alone.
Sunday, 20 May 2012
the graveyard of umbrellas
I have recently noticed that I can't understand teenagers when they speak. And to add to this I have started relying heavily on lip reading when anyone of any age speaks. And during conversations my mind will switch off and by the time I rejoin the conversation I am completely off point.
But this did not stop me having a wonderful Sunday at Mount followed by a wonderful Sunday lunch, where I think the general consensus was that umbrellas are utterly useless in this town. And lemon meringue pie is the greatest pudding, ever.
But this did not stop me having a wonderful Sunday at Mount followed by a wonderful Sunday lunch, where I think the general consensus was that umbrellas are utterly useless in this town. And lemon meringue pie is the greatest pudding, ever.
Friday, 18 May 2012
note
there was so much time then,
before we met,
when I stood on the bare stairs
with bare feet
and the baby in bed,
standing there with my hair all wet
and the sun shone
on the white wooden floor.
I had dug the garden over
in just one day
my spade-calloused hands sore,
my bicepts ached
and the fire stiill had to be laid
and the tea stilll had to be made,
but there was so much time then.
before we met,
when I stood on the bare stairs
with bare feet
and the baby in bed,
standing there with my hair all wet
and the sun shone
on the white wooden floor.
I had dug the garden over
in just one day
my spade-calloused hands sore,
my bicepts ached
and the fire stiill had to be laid
and the tea stilll had to be made,
but there was so much time then.
Monday, 14 May 2012
my guy
Radical
and true
can't take
his eyes
off you
Faithful
he will
never leave
or forsake
you
Kind
he walks
with you
he prays for
you
Love
he loves you
he wants to be with you
forever!
and true
can't take
his eyes
off you
Faithful
he will
never leave
or forsake
you
Kind
he walks
with you
he prays for
you
Love
he loves you
he wants to be with you
forever!
Boy friend
He is too cool for school
he gets expelled for setting fire to his exam paper with his lighter
which he uses to burn the drugs he introduces you to,
he's selective, yet open and answers all direct questions
when anyone asks one.
He knows your pass word, your pin number, and where your diary is,
he loves you so much he cant bare you to talk to anyone else.
No, not even for a minute.
He buys you presents and pays for dates, he's so spontaneous
though he's hit a dry patch, so now you go Dutch,
after you lend him a twenty.
He hits you, but only once,
and only after you went on and on about that girl
you are so weirdly jealous about and any way you must not forget,
you must never wind him up when he's had a few and it's all in your head anyway.
he gets expelled for setting fire to his exam paper with his lighter
which he uses to burn the drugs he introduces you to,
he's selective, yet open and answers all direct questions
when anyone asks one.
He knows your pass word, your pin number, and where your diary is,
he loves you so much he cant bare you to talk to anyone else.
No, not even for a minute.
He buys you presents and pays for dates, he's so spontaneous
though he's hit a dry patch, so now you go Dutch,
after you lend him a twenty.
He hits you, but only once,
and only after you went on and on about that girl
you are so weirdly jealous about and any way you must not forget,
you must never wind him up when he's had a few and it's all in your head anyway.
Sunday, 13 May 2012
When God speaks...
What do you do when God speaks?
You start talking crap.
This is because what you just heard contained everything you ever, will ever need to know.
You start talking crap.
This is because what you just heard contained everything you ever, will ever need to know.
Thursday, 10 May 2012
At the Potter's house
When I first started out, my church Mum, said, 'you will be the type of Christian God wants you to be...' At the time, I was probably moaning, I didn't know really what she meant, I just thought it was a bit irritating.
Today, I woke up very early, due to a bit of help from my little one and I couldn't get back to sleep...usually this would cause me a bit of woe, and grumpiness, and 'poor me' ness, but today I didn't mind.
Have I suddenly mutated into a saint?
No, I definitely haven't!
But there has been a fundamental change in me, I know this because even in my dreams, I am a Christian, even when I wake up at 4am, I am a Christian.
What is becoming clearer and clearer to me, is I'm not the person I thought I was.
The closest I can get to the person I am now is if I think of myself aged about eight. If I think of me then, there's a place I belong to, there's a certainty of who I am and when I forget the bravado, when I forget who I became...I kind of go to something like that.
It is at Church, I can practise being this person, when I clean, or cook, or talk to somebody I don't usually talk to, or attend weddings, or sing, or pray, or talk about the bible, or drink tea, or have seconds.
When you have been to bad places in your life, it is tempting to think you will go back, and sometimes there are terrifying reminders of the abyss, but today I think that although I know the abyss is there, and very close, today I think I want to choose to live with the door open, and that I want to live like Jesus says I can, without fear of going back. And although I don't know who he is going to turn me into, I think I would rather become the Christian he wants me to be!
Today, I woke up very early, due to a bit of help from my little one and I couldn't get back to sleep...usually this would cause me a bit of woe, and grumpiness, and 'poor me' ness, but today I didn't mind.
Have I suddenly mutated into a saint?
No, I definitely haven't!
But there has been a fundamental change in me, I know this because even in my dreams, I am a Christian, even when I wake up at 4am, I am a Christian.
What is becoming clearer and clearer to me, is I'm not the person I thought I was.
The closest I can get to the person I am now is if I think of myself aged about eight. If I think of me then, there's a place I belong to, there's a certainty of who I am and when I forget the bravado, when I forget who I became...I kind of go to something like that.
It is at Church, I can practise being this person, when I clean, or cook, or talk to somebody I don't usually talk to, or attend weddings, or sing, or pray, or talk about the bible, or drink tea, or have seconds.
When you have been to bad places in your life, it is tempting to think you will go back, and sometimes there are terrifying reminders of the abyss, but today I think that although I know the abyss is there, and very close, today I think I want to choose to live with the door open, and that I want to live like Jesus says I can, without fear of going back. And although I don't know who he is going to turn me into, I think I would rather become the Christian he wants me to be!
Sunday, 6 May 2012
Arriva
It's not a fast intercity train, it is a slow Welsh train.
So the first thing that happens is you feel the brakes go on, and as you've just come out of a bend it feels like the train is going to come off the track and run off the incline into a bright yellow field, somewhere just outside Shrewsbury, (or Tuesbury as we call it...)
You get a bit of that g-force feeling like you need to hold on to your seat, your kid, your i-phone.
And you vaguely realise something not normal is happening.
You look at your seat, child or i-phone and you think, "Shit!"
The train impacts. It sounds like an explosion. The train which has felt as if it were free wheeling suddenly feels as if it may take flight.
Simultaneously, the under carriage shudders like turbulence in a plane and a shower of what sounds like stones hitting the windows, and the train is still braking and you are still holding onto your seat, or your child, or your i-phone.
You think you must have hit a tree.
And then you really think the train is going to come off the tracks, and a quick glance reveals you now have a bigger drop, and then the train stops.
Shakes a little.
And starts to smoke.
You let go of your seat and you think "if I see flame...I run...with my kid, my i-phone."
Just as the fumes are getting a bit concerning the 'ticket lady' emerges and she says,
"Right, well we've just run over a cow..."
"How's the cow?"
"The cow is still under the train and there's a problem with the brakes but the driver is out there fixing it."
The driver manages to get the train moving enough to get to Church Stretton...where it is announced that anyone who wants to get out and have a cigarette can...under the circumstances...while the driver fixes the brakes...
At which point...everyone needs a cup of tea...but there's no trolley and there will be no trolley...
If the driver can't fix the train, we will be 'rescued' by another train, past experience tells me this will mean we will be crammed into the next train..which will already be full...I start praying the driver fixes the train.
The driver is the hero...he has engine trouble...but overcomes that...at the next station...
It may be the lack of tea...the lack of real disaster but when he deliverers us an hour late at Cardiff and we have to wait forty minutes for a train to Swansea....I'm starting to get a bit cynical...even though my kid's been a TROJAN and only hit me once, and only gone to the toilet three times...at Swansea CK's whilst buying my son a prize, and some cream for the chocolate cake I'm baking tomorrow, I decide to email a complaint, with the view of getting a total refund...I start lamenting, 'We have no infra-structure,'....And then I tell myself, 'No, write the email and...you don't have to use Welsh trains...you can go to Birmingham and up...yes...that's the way'...
When I get home...that is a good cup of tea...mind!
Thursday, 3 May 2012
first thoughts
It's broken.
I can't.
They don't like me.
I don't like them.
I'm rubbish.
I'm tired.
I'm depressed.
I'm going to die.
No.
No chance.
Not today.
I can't.
They don't like me.
I don't like them.
I'm rubbish.
I'm tired.
I'm depressed.
I'm going to die.
No.
No chance.
Not today.
Saturday, 28 April 2012
Son 2
I got ma I-pod,
my new shoes,
ma hair cut,
ma phone...
(I snapped in two.)
My bus fair,
ma train ticket,
my superdry bag,
ma superdry coat...
Got ma cash,
got ma card
got ma love,
I love y'mum...
Bye, bye son...
my new shoes,
ma hair cut,
ma phone...
(I snapped in two.)
My bus fair,
ma train ticket,
my superdry bag,
ma superdry coat...
Got ma cash,
got ma card
got ma love,
I love y'mum...
Bye, bye son...
Thursday, 26 April 2012
RBT- why I love it
If you say, I read a book of the bible each month and then meet up with a group of ladies and drink tea and we all share our verses...it's a 'ding-dong' moment...it's tumble weed...it's my mum has curly hair and brushes her teeth...
And yet that is what I do! And I love it.
Nothing speaks to me like the bible, and so directly into my life...right into the moment, the bad mood, the confusion, frustration, upset...in fact the worse the mood, the better the RBT (but that might just be me). In any case I've been having a rough time one way or the other but today I was helped greatly by 1 Samuel 13: 19-21
19 Not a blacksmith could be found in the whole land of Israel, because the Philistines had said, “Otherwise the Hebrews will make swords or spears!” 20 So all Israel went down to the Philistines to have their plough points, mattocks, axes and sickles[f] sharpened. 21 The price was two-thirds of a shekel[g] for sharpening plow points and mattocks, and a third of a shekel[h] for sharpening forks and axes and for repointing goads.
this is just some seemingly random verse about the Israelites not having blacksmiths because then they can't make weapons...and from this I'm like it's okay I have my place, I'm okay...it's not so bad, I don't have to keep fighting.
How did I get that from that?
And that's why I love RBT...even though you know I get some 'special needs' looks.
As a single mother, maybe as a woman, you have no real weapons, when you fight you end up hurting yourself. But to not fight, especially if the past is complicated and the present is difficult you have to know you have your place... that your 'bundle' is in the 'bundle', praise God for the mercy he shows to women like me.
And yet that is what I do! And I love it.
Nothing speaks to me like the bible, and so directly into my life...right into the moment, the bad mood, the confusion, frustration, upset...in fact the worse the mood, the better the RBT (but that might just be me). In any case I've been having a rough time one way or the other but today I was helped greatly by 1 Samuel 13: 19-21
19 Not a blacksmith could be found in the whole land of Israel, because the Philistines had said, “Otherwise the Hebrews will make swords or spears!” 20 So all Israel went down to the Philistines to have their plough points, mattocks, axes and sickles[f] sharpened. 21 The price was two-thirds of a shekel[g] for sharpening plow points and mattocks, and a third of a shekel[h] for sharpening forks and axes and for repointing goads.
this is just some seemingly random verse about the Israelites not having blacksmiths because then they can't make weapons...and from this I'm like it's okay I have my place, I'm okay...it's not so bad, I don't have to keep fighting.
How did I get that from that?
And that's why I love RBT...even though you know I get some 'special needs' looks.
As a single mother, maybe as a woman, you have no real weapons, when you fight you end up hurting yourself. But to not fight, especially if the past is complicated and the present is difficult you have to know you have your place... that your 'bundle' is in the 'bundle', praise God for the mercy he shows to women like me.
Tuesday, 24 April 2012
1 Samuel 17:37
So I have a wedding and my own pre 40th birthday party coming up...and no frock in the cupboard!!!!
Boo-hoo!
I also have hair with a mind to go hiking rather than partying.
Boo-hiss!
And no spare cash...
Mission Impossible?
Not for my God!
1. New 'Coast' dress...£11 charity shop
2. £5 haircut
3. new pink nail varnish on points from boots card.
total £16 which means hopefully I can still feed my kids.
And so to Mr. Cameron I say, you can take the party dress off the girl, but you can't stop the girl from having a party dress, because she will pray before she shops!
'the Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.'
Boo-hoo!
I also have hair with a mind to go hiking rather than partying.
Boo-hiss!
And no spare cash...
Mission Impossible?
Not for my God!
1. New 'Coast' dress...£11 charity shop
2. £5 haircut
3. new pink nail varnish on points from boots card.
total £16 which means hopefully I can still feed my kids.
And so to Mr. Cameron I say, you can take the party dress off the girl, but you can't stop the girl from having a party dress, because she will pray before she shops!
'the Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.'
Sunday, 22 April 2012
1 Samuel 25:29
'Even though someone is pursuing you to take your life,
the life of my lord will be bound securely in the bundle of the living by the Lord your God.'
I've been battered and nearly battered a few times, because I'm quite mouthy, and very, opinionated! One time I was set upon in the middle of a dance floor by a gang of girls. And I thought I was doing okay at first. Then one girl got a hold of my hair, and twisted it around her grip, and in that twist, I knew I was going down.
Life feels like that. Like you are about to get battered.
Life is like that as a Christian too.
And the first thing I think when I'm getting battered is, I'm not going to Church! I get the 'how are you?' phobia...this is the fear that when someone asks you how you are, you will burst into tears. Or worse if some sweet old lady who has been a Christian since she was 5 says 'how are you?' you will say, 'I AM NOT OKAY, OKAY, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!'
It's the kind of panic you get, when you think you might be losing your mind, your fight, your life.
But this week I learnt what the second half of this verse means. You see, the life a Christian needs is Jesus, and the promise from God is that the life of Jesus will be bound securely in the bundle of the living, and that bundle is your church.
the life of my lord will be bound securely in the bundle of the living by the Lord your God.'
I've been battered and nearly battered a few times, because I'm quite mouthy, and very, opinionated! One time I was set upon in the middle of a dance floor by a gang of girls. And I thought I was doing okay at first. Then one girl got a hold of my hair, and twisted it around her grip, and in that twist, I knew I was going down.
Life feels like that. Like you are about to get battered.
Life is like that as a Christian too.
And the first thing I think when I'm getting battered is, I'm not going to Church! I get the 'how are you?' phobia...this is the fear that when someone asks you how you are, you will burst into tears. Or worse if some sweet old lady who has been a Christian since she was 5 says 'how are you?' you will say, 'I AM NOT OKAY, OKAY, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!'
It's the kind of panic you get, when you think you might be losing your mind, your fight, your life.
But this week I learnt what the second half of this verse means. You see, the life a Christian needs is Jesus, and the promise from God is that the life of Jesus will be bound securely in the bundle of the living, and that bundle is your church.
Saturday, 21 April 2012
that's the livin' !
You know you've gone too far when your waking thoughts are;
I'm going to die,
I'm going to vomit,
how did I get here?
You have to deal with first thing first, bent double you make it to the bathroom...after the retching and sometime during the sweating and groaning you notice the porcelain of the toilet bowl feels kind on your forehead and listening to the dripping cistern you vow... never again.
You make it to the sofa...but you know you won't be there long...
Your best friend phones. She tells you what you feared in your stomach, the information that was somewhere deep in your alcohol drenched nervous system...
you full on snogged the dentist's ugly friend, and she has the pictures.
I'm going to die,
I'm going to vomit,
how did I get here?
You have to deal with first thing first, bent double you make it to the bathroom...after the retching and sometime during the sweating and groaning you notice the porcelain of the toilet bowl feels kind on your forehead and listening to the dripping cistern you vow... never again.
You make it to the sofa...but you know you won't be there long...
Your best friend phones. She tells you what you feared in your stomach, the information that was somewhere deep in your alcohol drenched nervous system...
you full on snogged the dentist's ugly friend, and she has the pictures.
Friday, 20 April 2012
chick-o-land!
You know it's gone wrong, when you find yourself at the counter of Chick-o-land.
You started the evening with the very best of intentions, promises not to drink, promises to drink one, water one, promises to pretend to drink...you some how sank into dancing like a banshee, falling off the curb twice, and snogging a dentist, (with an ugly friend).
And now blinking beneath the strip light you are faced with a choice of cheese and chips, lamb donner and watery coleslaw or cheese burger (without the cheese because they've run out again).
...At this point you have told everyone you love them a million times, and you have started crying to go home. You are weeping uncontrollably for your blanky, your hot water bottle, your liver. No one is really listening because they too are crying.
It is then that you notice your shoe is broken or just missing and you have stepped on a shot glass, there is a concerning amount of blood gushing from the sole of your foot but the consensus seems to be you don't need A and E, this time.
You notice your reflection in the window, but you don't recognise yourself and start to frown, just before the man behind the counter taps your shoulder and asks you to leave because you are bleeding all over his floor.
And so the fun begins.
You don't take kindly to this harsh ruling and you are not going with out having your loud, insulting, drunken say...and neither are your mates. Finally as you are telling any one within hearing distance what you really think of chick-o-land, the police arrive.
They know you.
But they still ask to see your fake ID.
This is persecution of the first degree because everyone knows it isn't fake, it's just someone else's who doesn't actually look like you.
You don't want to get done for fraud, so you reluctantly agree to be escorted to a taxi.
You started the evening with the very best of intentions, promises not to drink, promises to drink one, water one, promises to pretend to drink...you some how sank into dancing like a banshee, falling off the curb twice, and snogging a dentist, (with an ugly friend).
And now blinking beneath the strip light you are faced with a choice of cheese and chips, lamb donner and watery coleslaw or cheese burger (without the cheese because they've run out again).
...At this point you have told everyone you love them a million times, and you have started crying to go home. You are weeping uncontrollably for your blanky, your hot water bottle, your liver. No one is really listening because they too are crying.
It is then that you notice your shoe is broken or just missing and you have stepped on a shot glass, there is a concerning amount of blood gushing from the sole of your foot but the consensus seems to be you don't need A and E, this time.
You notice your reflection in the window, but you don't recognise yourself and start to frown, just before the man behind the counter taps your shoulder and asks you to leave because you are bleeding all over his floor.
And so the fun begins.
You don't take kindly to this harsh ruling and you are not going with out having your loud, insulting, drunken say...and neither are your mates. Finally as you are telling any one within hearing distance what you really think of chick-o-land, the police arrive.
They know you.
But they still ask to see your fake ID.
This is persecution of the first degree because everyone knows it isn't fake, it's just someone else's who doesn't actually look like you.
You don't want to get done for fraud, so you reluctantly agree to be escorted to a taxi.
Thursday, 19 April 2012
The Shrinks
Lou Lou Belle got the shrinks,
a shocking case
of Dis-Ease.
It started in her brain
and worked down
to her feet.
The good doctor shook
his head and scratched
his bearded chin,
‘if you keep on shrinking
you will be invisible
soon my dear.’
Lou Lou Belle shook
her head and cried
a little tear,
imagine getting the
shrinks
so bad you almost
Dis-Appear.
Wednesday, 18 April 2012
Son
you are my tick-tock
my alarm clock
my heart-beat
alien species
in over-sized clothes
all rolled up.
you're my drop kick,
my high five,
my boxing match
with your limited
vocabulary
you're my tea-time
my drive home
son you're so handsome
to me.
my alarm clock
my heart-beat
alien species
in over-sized clothes
all rolled up.
you're my drop kick,
my high five,
my boxing match
with your limited
vocabulary
you're my tea-time
my drive home
son you're so handsome
to me.
Sunday, 15 April 2012
"When will it end?"
She's talking about space...
the space she used to have
in her life, in her head
for herself...before
the baby.
Saturday, 14 April 2012
Holiday with Dave
I distinctly remember an awkward moment when the car was packed, the brothers were running wild, and my Dad was at the door, and my Mum was sitting in the kitchen...
"I'm not going...."
"You're not....going?"
You don't want to drive too far...and possibly, probably, almost certainly break down, get a flat or overheat, contract a reportable disease, see a gushing artery...end up in the burns unit?
And get rescued or not get rescued...
you don't want to get car sick because the boys wont sit still?...
And eat your cornflakes in a layby...
You don't want to get the gate key from smelly "bacon and old people" Mrs. Williams, after the pigs? And the dogs...and the geese?
At Pant Farm?
You don't want to walk more than you've walked in a year...just to get the milk?
You don't want to put the old tent up in a force gale wind and pray?
You don't want to wake up with the sheep, at dawn?
You don't want to hold your breathe while your kids climb rock faces and sometimes fall...you don't want to sit at the tent for ten hours while the mountain rescue look for your husband, who thought he could swim the bay?
You don't want to climb the head land, jump the waves, jump from the cliff face into the sea?
You don't want to pick flowers.
Walk the lanes.
Talk for hours.
....
Play Scrabble and lose?
"Mum, what's wrong with you?"
.....
"I'm not going...."
"You're not....going?"
You don't want to drive too far...and possibly, probably, almost certainly break down, get a flat or overheat, contract a reportable disease, see a gushing artery...end up in the burns unit?
And get rescued or not get rescued...
you don't want to get car sick because the boys wont sit still?...
And eat your cornflakes in a layby...
You don't want to get the gate key from smelly "bacon and old people" Mrs. Williams, after the pigs? And the dogs...and the geese?
At Pant Farm?
You don't want to walk more than you've walked in a year...just to get the milk?
You don't want to put the old tent up in a force gale wind and pray?
You don't want to wake up with the sheep, at dawn?
You don't want to hold your breathe while your kids climb rock faces and sometimes fall...you don't want to sit at the tent for ten hours while the mountain rescue look for your husband, who thought he could swim the bay?
You don't want to climb the head land, jump the waves, jump from the cliff face into the sea?
You don't want to pick flowers.
Walk the lanes.
Talk for hours.
....
Play Scrabble and lose?
"Mum, what's wrong with you?"
.....
Thursday, 5 April 2012
two husbands
1
I've never known you so charming,
sat in a green bucket chair
one eye narrow,
you have let the lilac trees take over.
I'm not living,
not quite dead,
yet, I've never known you charming!
not quite dead,
yet, I've never known you charming!
We get on- beneath the lilacs,
the little one sleeping in the kayak.
In this picture, knees together, nodding
like a hyacinth, warming in the sun,
I secretly believe you are superior,
I still secretly believe you have won.
11
the very next frame,
the next shot,
the next breathe-
with nothing to hold me
nothing to stop
the fall
I free fall
plummet straight into hell.
(but the face wears its expression like an ill-judged outfit,)
I'm already there.
And hell is a thirsty place.
Sunday, 1 April 2012
SIN. it's bad for your health!
did you ever feel funny about yourself...
like you don't know what you can do...
like you don't know what you will do...
did you ever feel funny about yourself?
did you ever feel like you don't belong?
did you ever feel that you'll never fit in?
did you ever feel funny about yourself?
Ever feel like you're always alone
And no one ever understands you?
Yer, that's sin...
like you don't know what you can do...
like you don't know what you will do...
did you ever feel funny about yourself?
did you ever feel like you don't belong?
did you ever feel that you'll never fit in?
did you ever feel funny about yourself?
Ever feel like you're always alone
And no one ever understands you?
Yer, that's sin...
Monday, 26 March 2012
But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna!” Numbers 11:5-7
Please don't call me
God bother-er...
if I tell you
Jesus saves
the broken hearted
Jesus had a heart
for me...
and met me
on a road
in front of a police station
and said you can be clean
and sent me home
to look after my baby.
And don't tell me
it didn't happen...
And please don't call me
bible basher...
if I share with you
my food.
God bother-er...
if I tell you
Jesus saves
the broken hearted
Jesus had a heart
for me...
and met me
on a road
in front of a police station
and said you can be clean
and sent me home
to look after my baby.
And don't tell me
it didn't happen...
And please don't call me
bible basher...
if I share with you
my food.
Wednesday, 21 March 2012
an anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.
The sun is shinning and good neighbour John is cutting the grass.
And bad neighbour Rebel thinks, bloody marvellous! The sun is out, and good neighbour John has come out to cut all the grass on both gardens either side of my house. Blow that good neighbour John if I haven't got to get out there and start cutting my grass!
Good neighbour John, usually talks to bad neighbour Rebel, with something like disdain.
Bad neighbour Rebel, is used to reacting to negativity with a negative response, and usually somewhat upping the ante in the process.
But bad neighbour Rebel has been learning a new lesson, about it is okay if people are mean to her, it's okay if some people don't like her, and it has made her just a little bit braver so she's says to herself, "this bad mood, is a bad habit.."
And goes out into the sun.
"Hello there." Says bad neighbour Rebel to good neighbour John, who is preoccupied with his cuttings and jumps out of his skin.
"Oh I'm ever so sorry" says bad neighbour Rebel, "I didn't mean to make you jump! I was just saying to myself flamin' good neighbour John's out cutting his grass...so I suppose I'd best get mine cut, do you think I should?"
Good neighbour John rubs his chin, "I think your grass is a different sort of grass. Meadow grass, perhaps? I think your grass is longer and wetter...You could borrow a sheep..?"
"Or a goat? Perhaps I will just do this bit, that is in the sun..." Says bad neighbour Rebel.
"You've got to keep on top of it...you know."
"Yes, nice to see the sun, though."
"Isn't it beautiful," says good neighbour John.
"Yes it is." Beams bad neighbour Rebel, who is very pleased with how their first conversation of the year has gone, "Yes it is indeed, well thank you good neighbour John."
Bad neighbour Rebel felt very good after the sunny side of her lawn was mowed...even though the mower conked out...and the grass was too wet and too long, and too different...
Perhaps someone will know how to fix mowers, or someone will have a sheep or a goat she laughed as she and little bad neighbour Rebel had a wet grass cuttings fight!
Saturday, 17 March 2012
Catechism
The Lord's Prayer
Lord's Day 45
QU.116 Why do Christian's pray?
ANS. Because prayer is the most important part of the thankfulness God requires of us.
INT. (Are you talking to me?)
ANS. And also because God gives his grace and Holy Spirit only to those who groan inwardly,
INT. (Are you talking to me?)
ANS. asking God for these gifts and thanking God for them.
INT. (Are YOU talking to me?)
QU.117 What is the kind of prayer that pleases God and that he listens to?
INT. (O no!)
ANS. First,
INT. (O no!)
ANS. we must pray from the heart to no other than the one true God, revealed to us in his word, asking for everything God has commanded us to ask for.
INT. (Game over.)
Lord's Day 45
QU.116 Why do Christian's pray?
ANS. Because prayer is the most important part of the thankfulness God requires of us.
INT. (Are you talking to me?)
ANS. And also because God gives his grace and Holy Spirit only to those who groan inwardly,
INT. (Are you talking to me?)
ANS. asking God for these gifts and thanking God for them.
INT. (Are YOU talking to me?)
QU.117 What is the kind of prayer that pleases God and that he listens to?
INT. (O no!)
ANS. First,
INT. (O no!)
ANS. we must pray from the heart to no other than the one true God, revealed to us in his word, asking for everything God has commanded us to ask for.
INT. (Game over.)
Thursday, 15 March 2012
So you wanna be a boxer?
Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14: 13-14
This is so hard...
I am a fighter.
I was born that way kicking, screaming and shouting, ask my mother.
But this week I learnt I can still be a fighter.
I can fight to wake up at 6.30 every morning.
I can fight to go to work.
I can fight to do my jobs.
I can fight to be a Mummy.
I can fight to say yes.
I can fight to be in a good mood.
I can fight to be kind.
Gentle.
Caring and quiet.
I can fight to stay with Jesus.
This is so hard...
I am a fighter.
I was born that way kicking, screaming and shouting, ask my mother.
But this week I learnt I can still be a fighter.
I can fight to wake up at 6.30 every morning.
I can fight to go to work.
I can fight to do my jobs.
I can fight to be a Mummy.
I can fight to say yes.
I can fight to be in a good mood.
I can fight to be kind.
Gentle.
Caring and quiet.
I can fight to stay with Jesus.
Saturday, 10 March 2012
Movement of the people.
Lots of people moving...
Exodus.
Doesn't that mean we go.........?
Leave.
on mass.....
I'm like, I wanna go....Let's go...Let's leave...
Bye see ya...
wouldn't wanna be ya!
Can we go....go....can we go? ? ?
"Then the Lord said to Moses, "Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on."
Exodus 14: 15
Thursday, 1 March 2012
Pams
It seems there has been an outbreak of Pams.
Pams are power hungry individuals, unfortunately usually women, in customer service roles.
Customer service seems to suggest that Pam is there to help you, but if you have just encountered a Pam, it quickly becomes clear that Pam doesn't want to help you, she wants to wreck your day.
Pam will say things like, "you should have telephoned first..."
She says this as if wielding the great axe of power which she is going to smash down on your day because you didn't phone, or you forgot the email, or the receipt, or the order number, or the curtsy.
Pam is out of control.
You think when you ask for the manager, and the manager agrees with you and says, "Pam, now sell this lady the Television, replace this lady's hoover, or exchange these rotten apples, or give this lady a refund...." you think Ah ha! Pam! Victory is mine!
But Pam will argue even with what the manager says, she will say things like "well, I'm not giving you a receipt. He must be having an off day, there is nothing wrong with this, next time don't forget...."
And she will give you a look to demonstrate to you that she, Pam, knows exactly what you are...and it's a not very nice thing that Pam herself despises above all else; you, are Pam's customer...
Pams are power hungry individuals, unfortunately usually women, in customer service roles.
Customer service seems to suggest that Pam is there to help you, but if you have just encountered a Pam, it quickly becomes clear that Pam doesn't want to help you, she wants to wreck your day.
Pam will say things like, "you should have telephoned first..."
She says this as if wielding the great axe of power which she is going to smash down on your day because you didn't phone, or you forgot the email, or the receipt, or the order number, or the curtsy.
Pam is out of control.
You think when you ask for the manager, and the manager agrees with you and says, "Pam, now sell this lady the Television, replace this lady's hoover, or exchange these rotten apples, or give this lady a refund...." you think Ah ha! Pam! Victory is mine!
But Pam will argue even with what the manager says, she will say things like "well, I'm not giving you a receipt. He must be having an off day, there is nothing wrong with this, next time don't forget...."
And she will give you a look to demonstrate to you that she, Pam, knows exactly what you are...and it's a not very nice thing that Pam herself despises above all else; you, are Pam's customer...
Wednesday, 29 February 2012
refuse plague?
Finally my child is sleeping. And that is because I have broken the government's guidelines and given him cough medicine....
Apparently we do not give under twelves cough medicine any more. No one seems to have a reason for this, except one very sweet lady, called Pam, who told me very caringly and lovingly that there was something in cough medicine that "gave small children nightmares."
"Well my child is massive, Pam, and I'd think he'd be glad of a nightmare or two, so long as he could sleep for a bit..." I decide to go all out with Pam, as I can already tell she is not going to sell me any Tixylix, and have hatched my secret plan to go to the chemist down the road. Alfie coughs on cue, writhing with the agony of the muscles he's pulled from coughing for six days and nights...One of his eyes alarmingly larger than the other, both blood shot and streaming, "Sorry, Pam," I smile sweetly as she inadvertently covers her mouth, "do you have a bowl? I think he maybe coughing up his spleen here..."
I drive to the next chemist, I leave my child wrapped in a blanket in the car.
I go in, Pam 2, is stalwart and slightly obese behind the counter, "Can I have a bottle of Tixylix 6 plus, please."
"How old is the child because you can't give this unless they are six and over..."
"Seven. Eighth of the third o five."
Pam 2 begrudgingly sells me the Tixylix and I run to the car to administer it.
Driving home with a finally still child, I find we are behind a refuse truck, I'm following it for some time, feeling the tension of the last week starting to subside, when I notice fluid streaming from the part of the truck that contains the food waste bags, the liquid from the rotting food bags liberally being sprayed out all across the city, the sun warming it nicely...
The words of the Doctor at casualty the night before come streaming back to me, "We wouldn't give antibiotics for a virus...he's very run down, and there are a lot of virulent bugs around..." And I'm staring at the back of the truck wondering if I am seeing the breeding ground of the plague that my poor child has had to fight off without medication for a week?
Apparently we do not give under twelves cough medicine any more. No one seems to have a reason for this, except one very sweet lady, called Pam, who told me very caringly and lovingly that there was something in cough medicine that "gave small children nightmares."
"Well my child is massive, Pam, and I'd think he'd be glad of a nightmare or two, so long as he could sleep for a bit..." I decide to go all out with Pam, as I can already tell she is not going to sell me any Tixylix, and have hatched my secret plan to go to the chemist down the road. Alfie coughs on cue, writhing with the agony of the muscles he's pulled from coughing for six days and nights...One of his eyes alarmingly larger than the other, both blood shot and streaming, "Sorry, Pam," I smile sweetly as she inadvertently covers her mouth, "do you have a bowl? I think he maybe coughing up his spleen here..."
I drive to the next chemist, I leave my child wrapped in a blanket in the car.
I go in, Pam 2, is stalwart and slightly obese behind the counter, "Can I have a bottle of Tixylix 6 plus, please."
"How old is the child because you can't give this unless they are six and over..."
"Seven. Eighth of the third o five."
Pam 2 begrudgingly sells me the Tixylix and I run to the car to administer it.
Driving home with a finally still child, I find we are behind a refuse truck, I'm following it for some time, feeling the tension of the last week starting to subside, when I notice fluid streaming from the part of the truck that contains the food waste bags, the liquid from the rotting food bags liberally being sprayed out all across the city, the sun warming it nicely...
The words of the Doctor at casualty the night before come streaming back to me, "We wouldn't give antibiotics for a virus...he's very run down, and there are a lot of virulent bugs around..." And I'm staring at the back of the truck wondering if I am seeing the breeding ground of the plague that my poor child has had to fight off without medication for a week?
Friday, 24 February 2012
2 Corinthians 5: 17
"therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old one is gone."
I have a heart for changing the beds and making hot water bottles,
telling stories and thinking up funny things to say.
For spring bulbs, garden sheds and compost.
I have a heart for baking cakes and pies, making soups and stews,
brewing endless pots of tea and holding hands,
walking by the sea and wiping brows and tears and noses!
Bandages, plasters and cuddles, funny tap dances
and good night prayers, waking up in the middle of the night
and running up and down the stairs.
and running up and down the stairs.
I have a heart for knitting scarfs and sewing buttons back on,
playing power rangers, hide and seek, and even doing jig saw puzzles.
This is the heart Jesus gave me, a heart I will share with you.
Wednesday, 22 February 2012
you are still wordly
1 Corinthians 14:33-35
33 For God is not a God of disorder but of peace—as in all the congregations of the Lord’s people.
34 Women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the law says. 35 If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.Paul isn't the feminist's apostle.
But no matter because I'm not a feminist.
(Is it a lie that a woman would want to work a forty hour week, raise her children, keep her home and her husband and still find time for the gym?)
I don't know anything about this except Jesus knows the heart he gave you and in me is little desire to fix the car.
Sunday, 29 January 2012
Saturday, 28 January 2012
proverbs 2. Thus you will walk in the ways of good men
Mummy, Mummy, what happened to the church?
It burnt down.
Why?
It's okay because no body went there.
No peoples went to the church?
No.
Will that happen to big church, Mummy?
No.
Why?
Because we pray for big church.
And little church.
Yes, and little church.
Yes, me, you, Tyler and Jesus. We are good at fixing things, aren't we?
Yes. Jesus can fix it.
Yes. We ask Jesus to fix church, and make it bigger and biggerer.
Yes.
Don't worry Mummy.
( Kiss )
I'm not worried, that's my thinking face!
Mummy, you use your brain for thinking!
It burnt down.
Why?
It's okay because no body went there.
No peoples went to the church?
No.
Will that happen to big church, Mummy?
No.
Why?
Because we pray for big church.
And little church.
Yes, and little church.
Yes, me, you, Tyler and Jesus. We are good at fixing things, aren't we?
Yes. Jesus can fix it.
Yes. We ask Jesus to fix church, and make it bigger and biggerer.
Yes.
Don't worry Mummy.
( Kiss )
I'm not worried, that's my thinking face!
Mummy, you use your brain for thinking!
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