Sometimes I think I know you,
but then the certainties disappear
like apples in a house full of children.
And what I have left is that one moment
when I don't feel like me any more,
and you know everything about me.

proverbs 2. Thus you will walk in the ways of good men

Mummy, Mummy, what happened to the church?
It burnt down.
Why?
It's okay because no body went there.
No peoples went to the church?
No.
Will that happen to big church, Mummy?
No.
Why?
Because we pray for big church.
And little church.
Yes, and little church.
Yes, me, you, Tyler and Jesus. We are good at fixing things, aren't we?
Yes. Jesus can fix it.
Yes. We ask Jesus to fix church, and make it bigger and biggerer.
Yes.
Don't worry Mummy.
( Kiss )
I'm not worried, that's my thinking face!
Mummy, you use your brain for thinking!

voices

It transpires, voices are a funny business.


The Friday night voice, says, " poor me."
The I can't go to work voice says,"I don't feel well."
The depression voice says, "do it tomorrow."
The drunk voice, says, "com'on, I'm bored."
The lust voice says, "I deserve this."
The chocolate voice says, "Just one"
The shame voice says, "why did you do it?"
The voice of the past says, " look what you did."

The voice of unbelief says, "that can't be done."

The voice of repentance, says, "I am sorry."

Jesus knows the quitter's prayer, Mark 9 verse 29

I did not intend to give up smoking on Monday.
I never really intend to give up smoking.
Because I don't believe I can.
And because I have two smoking voices that like a happily married couple bicker it out day by day.

"You must give up smoking."
"I will, after, this one, this packet then I will."
"Look how well you have done not smoking today."
"Just smoke today and don't smoke tomorrow."
"No smoking day."
"I have got to smoke today, but I won't smoke tomorrow." etc etc etc.

You might have similar voices. If you know them, they are already too big for their boots!
You may have a chocolate biscuit voice.
Or a going out on Friday night voice.

Like me you might have more voices than you like to admit to!

What ever the voice, I guess you will know it very well, maybe you know its manipulative workings, you may find it predictable...and yet you will still fall for it. You get sick of the voice, taking your 'real' voice, you are fed up with that voice deafening all other voices, you are tired of the voice winning and the attendant action; smoking, over eating, drinking makes you feel ashamed and like a failure.

Well, pretty much I am always at war with my voices, I will have a moderate success and then I will fall for one nasty, insidious little whisper, or one demanding yell and off I go again.

So, on Monday I was reading Mark, and came across Mark Chapter 9:14-29. And it blew my mind.

 "Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not."

  "O unbelieving generation," Jesus replied, "how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me."

So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.

   Jesus asked the boy's father, "How long has he been like this?"

 "From childhood," he answered. "It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."

 "If I can?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."

 Immediately the boys father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief.!"
 When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the evil spirit.

 "You deaf and mute spirit," he said, "I command you, come out of him and never enter him again."

The spirit shrieked, convulsed him violently and came out. The boy looked so much like a corpse that many said, "He's dead." But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him to his feet, and he stood up.

 After Jesus had gone indoors, his disciples asked him privately, "Why couldn't we drive it out?"

He replied, "This kind can only come out by prayer."

Salome talking to John the Baptist's head

so, did you see my best dance?
that was my best dance, mind!

Herod talking to John the Baptist's head

shrunken,
and only against silver
the beauty of your eyes,
still open.

you won't talk now,
your slender limbs
fed to the dogs.

Herodias talking to John the baptist's head.

I am the Queen, after all,
and this was all your own fault.
If only you had kept your mouth shut;
women have different weapons of war.

only in Wales

only in Wales...
we wear hats in the kitchen,
wrapped up in blankets,
mother messing with mouse traps
as we wait for the water to warm
and the bread to rise.

I carry the coal scuttle from the coal shed
next to the broken gutter which floods
each time it rains and my brother paddles
in his nappy, casting the spilled nuggets
to the worms beneath his bare feet.

I jump barbed wire without ripping
my leg open, spit like a boy and pee
over thistles, in the blind field;
where I river walk, moon dance
and chase shooting stars.

And only in Wales,
I talk to my new born, old child,
deep in the heno;
nos da, amser gwelly,
mynd y cysgu and peid a cravi!

Fingering the sounds with my tongue and
waiting for no one to begin our long cwtch down.

the honest savage

I am driving, dreaming of home,
following golden gorse walls
to Anglesey.

Screened from quick, Spring light
four sheep huddle childlike
under a climbing frame.

I will have a Welsh Summer,
wear a cowboy hat with feathers and sleep outdoors
beneath the silent soar of Kites and stars.

Waking at a blind bend
I hear the thud
and grind to a halt to attend,

two startled eyes look back,
a long way from home and badly shook
I finish it all with a fatal Chinese burn.

I will hang him in the wood shed,
hang him by his feet
until blood drains from tender flesh.

Sleeves rolled up,
I take the bounty to my boot.

Possession being nine tenths of the law
pheasant stew will be my home coming loot.

kiss the Son Part 2

'A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;
despite all its great strength it cannot save.' 33.17
'no man can redeem the life of another
or give to God a ransom for him-
the ransom for a life is costly,
no payment is ever enough-'
'do not fret because of evil men
or be envious of those who do wrong;' 37. 1
'in your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.' 4. 4
'refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret -it leads only to evil.' 37. 8

'the Lord is close to the broken-hearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.' 34.18

'and the words of the Lord are flawless,
like silver refined in a furnace of clay,
purified seven times.' 12. 6

Kiss the Son Part 1

'The Lord looks down from heaven on the sons of men  

to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God. '  14 v 2 

'I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.' 13 v 6

'I lie down and sleep; 

                    I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.' 3 v 5

'you made him ruler over the works of

your hands;

you put everything under his feet:

all flocks and herds,

and beasts of the field, the birds of the air,

and the fish of the sea,

all that swim the paths of the seas.'  8 v 6 -8

                  'keep me as the apple of your eye;

         hide me in the shadow of your wings...'  17 v 8

                  'you, O Lord, keep my lamp burning;
                  my God turns my darkness into light.'  18 v 28
                  'The Lord lives..'  18 v 46   
                  'my heart leaps for joy
                  and I will give thanks to him in song'  28 v 7


                  'O Lord my God, I will give you thanks for ever.'30 v 12