not dead yet

so...the not yet dead conviction is with me like a beached whale in need of an army of wheel borrows...to begin excavation before the stench takes over the coast line and surrounding villages. Yes, and it's not even a funny one, (that's actually the closest I've had to a laugh at it...)
It all started with Jeremiah, all my half hearted, wishy washy, perfunctory-ness!
Then the full on slap of just being old before my time, and somewhat hardened, waiting for retirement, which is realistically a while away!
Followed, rather glamorously I think, by the image of the walking corpse.
Now I recognise the clean blow of the sword of truth so there's no problem there.
And I think I have part of the revelation from John 8:31-47 which lifted me slightly and definitely gave me a prayer.
But I must admit I'm still in the sulk-age, but desperately awaiting transformation stage, and I'm definitely still justifying myself with a rather large dollop of poor me.
You see I reckon it all started when I began liking things I hate and hating things I like...I used to be the most opinionated person I have ever met...I knew what I liked, I knew what I hated but now I'm like, er I don't watch football any more, I think I'm softening towards the Queen actually...sorry but who, actually is this person anyway?
I have painted my nails in the girl-brain hope that this may be a step in the right direction.

...John 8:32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.
...John 8:36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

Impulse

When a man you've never met before
walks up to you and convicts you 
so badly you cry for two days 
and standing, staring with tears
rolling down your face crying
you think never, ever will end
...it is not the perfume you are wearing.

Psalm psychology

57:2 I cry out to God Most High,
    to God, who fulfils his purpose for me.
66:16 Come and hear, all you who fear God;
    let me tell you what he has done for me.
73:28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
    I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
    I will tell of all your deeds.
76:4 You are radiant with light,
    more majestic than mountains rich with game.

Jesus said, I am

destined
anointed
blessed
in tune
plugged in
the son of man
the miracle man
the saviour
the chosen one
the lamb
the babe
in the stable,
the rescuer
the redeemer
your Saviour
salvation
the way
the truth
the life
the word
the sword
the Lord
when asked if he was willing...
Jesus answered, “I am."

let's go all the way

This week I have mostly been wrong.
What I have discovered about being wrong is usually I set off thinking, I was a little bit wrong there...it's accompanied by an uncomfortable feeling, somehow things are not quite right...
then...I start madly justifying myself, but there's also another voice saying, if you're justifying yourself... you are wrong..!
Slowly I'm getting wound up, and the slightly uncomfortable feeling is growing into anger, frustration and upset.
Then I start praying about it and I'm like this can't be right, and God is the calm in the storm of my mind turmoil...but I don't like what he's saying because he's saying I'm wrong...too,
and then finally I see my pride, that cannot allow me to be wrong...me wrong..? and so wrong..!

But I am wrong and finally I say it, I do not choose myself because I am wrong and in that moment when I admit  am wrong, harmony is restored and I'm back to my lovely, slightly quirky self, thinking, thank you God, I was only so wrong!

ladies who read psalm 77

1 I cried out to God for help;
    I cried out to God to hear me.
2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
    at night I stretched out untiring hands,
    and I would not be comforted.
3 I remembered you, God, and I groaned;
    I meditated, and my spirit grew faint.
4 You kept my eyes from closing;
    I was too troubled to speak.
5 I thought about the former days,
    the years of long ago;
6 I remembered my songs in the night.
    My heart meditated and my spirit asked:
7 “Will the Lord reject forever?
    Will he never show his favour again?
8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
    Has his promise failed for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be merciful?
    Has he in anger withheld his compassion? ”
10 Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
    the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand.
11 I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
    yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12 I will consider all your works
    and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”
13 Your ways, God, are holy.
    What god is as great as our God?
14 You are the God who performs miracles;
    you display your power among the peoples.
15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
    the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
16 The waters saw you, God,
    the waters saw you and writhed;
    the very depths were convulsed.
17 The clouds poured down water,
    the heavens resounded with thunder;
    your arrows flashed back and forth.
18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
    your lightning lit up the world;
    the earth trembled and quaked.
19 Your path led through the sea,
    your way through the mighty waters,
    though your footprints were not seen.
20 You led your people like a flock
    by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

ladies who read psalms 1

63:6 On my bed I remember you;
    I think of you through the watches of the night.
7 Because you are my help,
    I sing in the shadow of your wings.
8 I cling to you;
    your right hand upholds me.
73:21 When my heart was grieved
    and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
    I was a brute beast before you.
23 Yet I am always with you;
    you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
    and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
    And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
    but God is the strength of my heart
    and my portion forever.
28 ... as for me, it is good to be near God.
    I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
    I will tell of all your deeds.

Jeremiah

had nothing, no friends, no church, no chance...
no one listened to him, no one liked him.
His job was impossible and dangerous...
he didn't get it, no one else got it.
He had one little wobble and God
said, 'well it's gonna get alot worse.'
He's the guy no one wants to be...
He's the consolation when you are sick of being you
...and yet in 600 years or so BC

Jeremiah had Jesus.

when the fairy princess
leaves her tower
it will be raining
(and maybe misty)
so she better take
her Cath Kidson
umbrella with her.

this little plant,
Clematis
is being eaten
by some
garden monster,
chewing away
at her lovely
green leaves
with big jaws
munch, munch,
munch
away...