sunday lunch

I know our theme song.
I know you're my family.
I don't know I can be so happy.
I know I eat too much, and I can't resist a second scone.
I don't know the ins and outs.
I don't know everyone's story.
I know I like flowers on dresses.
I know I'm safe.
I don't know where all the food comes from.
I know I keep seeing you carrying plates and dishes.
I don't know if you are happy.
I don't know why anyone likes me.
I know this is like a holiday.
I don't know how long you've lived here.
I know children are bouncing and climbing trees.
I don't know how it will work out.
I know the neighbours didn't come.
I don't know what to say until you crack a joke.
I know I wish I didn't say what I think so much.
I don't know I wish I would.

Luke RBT

1:38 “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered.
8:50 “Don’t be afraid; just believe..."
21:19 "Stand firm, and you will win life."
19:10 " For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”
24:50-53 "When he had led them out to the vicinity of Bethany, he lifted up his hands and blessed them. 51 While he was blessing them, he left them and was taken up into heaven. 52 Then they worshiped him and returned to Jerusalem with great joy. 53 And they stayed continually at the temple, praising God.

...a handbag...

"Kate Middleton has one of these..."
It is not a selling point or shouldn't be
for nearly a whole month's wages.
It's not going to change my life or my mind,
although it does perfectly match my new shoes...
I will need to love the straps of it, the buckles,
all of its snakery, and its pockets with perfect
zip-up.
I will change my walk, the way I talk
(if I can be bothered)
to become the very stylish (older) owner  
of this handbag, each breath from now on
will be drawn as tribute to me becoming myself! 
"I love this handbag so much they will 
have to cut it from my rigor mortised grip,
on the last days."
'Kerr-ching!'

Grace

I am feeling better today...by God's grace.
Grace is the help we don't deserve but God freely gives.
God doesn't show you the bad someone else does, he shows you the bad you do...which is a bit agonising but eventually it is empowering, a counsellor once said to me, "If you change your reaction, you will get a different response." At the time I thought that was a pretty dumb thing to say to someone who was clearly in counselling because they couldn't change their reactions, and therefore were not getting a different response.
But I have to say it is true.
I feel like my confidence has been restored because I know now I've seen the truth, little by little and with God's grace I am going to be able to react differently...little by little until even the memory of it is gone...nothing is different today, no lightning bolts(I don't think), I haven't won the lottery...but I have got a lovely clean and harmonious house.
I don't deserve it... but I've got it.

why not rather be wronged?

How many times have I failed this?
I'm thinking maybe the reason I keep being tested on it, is because I keep failing it.
It's not as if I can't handle it, I'm used to it...but that doesn't help.
Taping my lips together and my hands behind my back or resorting to a staple gun is looking attractive...
but then I don't want to fail!
I don't want to kick off and get hurt and confused and not know right from wrong.

Matthew 5:37
All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.

My greatest desire is to see God fight for me.

Exodus 14:14
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.

So yes I'm not going to need the staples.