the heart of the matter

I had a revelation this morning...so obviously I'm going to inflict it!
I don't like Christmas...I'm not the only one. Bad things happen to people at Christmas...and it's a lot of work for little return, unless you like stuff...I got a house full of stuff, it doesn't really do it for me. This Christmas we thought we might not be able to get to Manchester because of the weather and Arriva trains...this I explained to my kids is not a Christmas disaster, even without presents...family or turkey...I have the worst Christmas ever to remind me that this Christmas, is a good one, and we make it home, we have presents and turkey! Result.
Sometimes like this morning, I wake up grumpy, and determined to be un-polite. Arriva trains have given me a reputation of being unlucky with trains! I don't believe in luck. I don't believe in trains.
I don't feel at home anywhere, this is not new, in fact in many ways it used to be much worse, like when I was married...
People get on my wick. Seriously!
I often feel depressed and I don't mean slightly unhappy, I mean physically aggravated, aggrieved and mentally, emotionally, spiritually confused, which is what it's become after two and a half decades, a kind of physical/mental wrongness, an emotional malaise.
If I don't wake up depressed, I wake up right! Lol it's hard to say which is worse.
While we're at it...I don't like the rain, rain makes my day three times harder than normal. There's only two places that have as much or more rain than Swansea, and they are Scotland and Manchester.
My life is traumatic. That's why I'm funny! Traumatised people are hysterical.
So the revelation???
The revelation!
Home is where the heart is.
Good that isn't it? Home is where the flamin' heart is! So this morning I found my heart in a funny place...again. My heart is in Mount Pleasant Baptist Church Swansea. How weird is that? You see it's not my heart, not really, my heart died ages ago, long, long, long ago! But anyway that's where this heart is, that's my revelation...it moved me! I even, I even feel better, and it's raining, and Arriva trains are robbers and rubbish and I'm not home, not yet, but you know I found a heart and I've had worse, believe me I've had worse x