Job 2:9 His wife said to him, “Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!”

I don't really understand why studying the bible makes me religious?
I was reading Job, hoping to find the bit where he goes off his head...rails at his fate...berates man and God...I thought at least I'd find a bit of circular thought, a bit of head hate seepage.. but instead I got a wonderful, wonderful piece of helpful information that may, dare I say it....have changed my life, but has definitely changed my mind.
See when I was a kid, there were two games I was really, really good at; 'submit'- because I never would and my brothers were ingenious torturers and 'mercy'- because I always knew if I survived the pain, I could inflict more.
...mmm as an adult I have had to be strong and 'feisty' and a fighter, but recently I have been aware that these 'qualities' can cause me some discomfort and confusion and I couldn't understand why.
Until Job.
When I first came across the word integrity in a proverbs study, I was like, 'I'm pretty sure I don't have that...er what actually is it?'
When we read Ezekiel, I became convinced 'integrity' is when we know what to do.
When we read John, I wondered if it's possible to have 'integrity' without faith?
And after reading Job, I realise, that I must not lose my 'integrity' even under pressure, even in pain...even when everything is shit.
It's the ability to keep our 'integrity' that makes it possible to meet the crisis of our lives, loosing partners, homes and finally our own death...'integrity' makes it possible to die.


Job 27:4-6
New International Version (NIV)
4 my lips will not say anything wicked,
    and my tongue will not utter lies.
5 I will never admit you are in the right;
    till I die, I will not deny my integrity.
6 I will maintain my innocence and never let go of it;
    my conscience will not reproach me as long as I live.

I think for me to stop agonising and berating and questioning and over thinking at moments of crisis  will assure me much peace, much freedom from bad conscience and discomfort of confusion  I think it will help me enormously and it will give me confidence in tackling my problems...it may even make me more feisty...but religious? I don't know about that x

1 John 2:21

8 Then the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.”

9 “Does Job fear God for nothing?” Satan replied. 10 “Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. 11 But now stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face.”

12 The Lord said to Satan, “Very well, then, everything he has is in your power, but on the man himself do not lay a finger.”

Wow! Look at the confidence God has in Job's faith, his strength, his love....

Look at it!

If you're suffering, I don't know anything so amazing as ' Jesus put you here...' even though it may drive you crazy...loopy! And you may swear...

But imagine that...God knows you got a strength, you don't know...and he got faith in your strength, your love and your faith...and no one else has...

Les miserables....

Jean Valjean!!! Hugh Jackman!!!!The man who is shown mercy, and learns to give it back, and asks, and asks again for mercy, for grace...for God's glory! WOW! Who knew? The man who prays...and prays despite himself and not for himself!
Sasha Barren Cohen and Helena Bohnam Carter going to town smelling the money.
There's a wonderful moment on the barricade when the young leader asks the boys to keep the faith, because that's all they've got...and they roll their eyes...then they are slaughtered.
O! And Fantine!...Fantine! Raped by life...losing her child, her position, her hair, her teeth but not her dream not that something...her something that doesn't belong to the world, something the world can never, never have, never, never take! Her soul.
And love is the garden of youth...and what's a bit of rain...Ah!
O! we wept...we applauded...we should have applauded more, much more...much!
And you know it's true, Russell Crowe, can't sing, can't act and sing... you know it...but what ever I don't care. I'm over it. Totally!

God geek!

I have discovered how to download sermons on my phone and listen to them on the bus, in the staff room and at the shops...with my ear-phones in! Now I'm not an ear-phone generation...I'm a head-phone generation. But I'm going to big up the ear-phone for this usage for a number of reasons. The first being I preserve my cool and groovy image whilst secretly and silently remaining a God geek! Plus where as my journey and my breaks are too short to get stuck in with reading they are perfect for sermons.

So I don't know what I learnt specifically today...yet... but I do know what I avoided! !

It is very easy to get negative during your day...I specifically find the day Alfie goes to his dad very difficult... mainly because my top 5 thoughts on this day are usually

1. I hate you

2. I hope terrible things happen to you

3. You bastard!

4. You are pathetic and useless

5. Remember what you did to me....

And generally your thoughts will effect your mood, and after a day like that I'm usually what I describe as homicidal/suicidal...and very upset and confused.

Today what struck me was how many times my mind tried to have those thoughts but once plugged in how I left them..how I pondered other issues...how those sermons pulled my thoughts to other thoughts...how I sat on the bus and thought about what joyful meant? How I smiled at the thought of being overjoyed ...how I thought about you can't have the dark with the light.

Now I'm home and the verse that I can remember most was read at the candlelit service, 

Luke 2:19 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. 

John

Imagine you were a part of the love of the Holy Trinity...or Jesus walked into your kitchen...or you  got to know yourself and take responsibility....perhaps you even stopped looking for something else...imagine someone loves you so much they prayed for you more than 2000 years ago, someone who weeps when you do...defends you...gives you a second chance...over, and over and over again...Someone who loves you IDT; who loves you infinity! Imagine that.