Job 2:9 His wife said to him, “Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!”

I don't really understand why studying the bible makes me religious?
I was reading Job, hoping to find the bit where he goes off his head...rails at his fate...berates man and God...I thought at least I'd find a bit of circular thought, a bit of head hate seepage.. but instead I got a wonderful, wonderful piece of helpful information that may, dare I say it....have changed my life, but has definitely changed my mind.
See when I was a kid, there were two games I was really, really good at; 'submit'- because I never would and my brothers were ingenious torturers and 'mercy'- because I always knew if I survived the pain, I could inflict more.
...mmm as an adult I have had to be strong and 'feisty' and a fighter, but recently I have been aware that these 'qualities' can cause me some discomfort and confusion and I couldn't understand why.
Until Job.
When I first came across the word integrity in a proverbs study, I was like, 'I'm pretty sure I don't have that...er what actually is it?'
When we read Ezekiel, I became convinced 'integrity' is when we know what to do.
When we read John, I wondered if it's possible to have 'integrity' without faith?
And after reading Job, I realise, that I must not lose my 'integrity' even under pressure, even in pain...even when everything is shit.
It's the ability to keep our 'integrity' that makes it possible to meet the crisis of our lives, loosing partners, homes and finally our own death...'integrity' makes it possible to die.


Job 27:4-6
New International Version (NIV)
4 my lips will not say anything wicked,
    and my tongue will not utter lies.
5 I will never admit you are in the right;
    till I die, I will not deny my integrity.
6 I will maintain my innocence and never let go of it;
    my conscience will not reproach me as long as I live.

I think for me to stop agonising and berating and questioning and over thinking at moments of crisis  will assure me much peace, much freedom from bad conscience and discomfort of confusion  I think it will help me enormously and it will give me confidence in tackling my problems...it may even make me more feisty...but religious? I don't know about that x