perseverance...

What I learnt this month is the way I think of words like perseverance, suffering...trails in a worldly way. So when I read the first line of James, I'm like,
 'O!No! Not perseverance....not suffering...not joy in suffering...not that, anything but that.'

However I just learned some theological terms, for example the definition of perseverance is 'to continue in a state of GRACE until the end'- quite helpful. And also I learnt something about suffering too, you can suffer for good and be blessed...with suffering it's tough, because much of it is arbitrary- but not all of it- so I'm still counting it as helpful and at lot less gag making!

I also learnt , I've been given loads of perseverance, like seriously loads!

Good Girl

So I'm 41 years of age- and I've never been on a diet- until now- the reason being I just bought a pair of jeans- size 14- by my reckoning by July next year, if I carry on in the same vane - I will be size 16.... and so forth! I have never gained weight- I tried to gain weight once- it was very hard and I had to eat a lot of calories....and it took ages.

In reverse, I know I'm in for the long haul.

What surprises me most is how many calories there are in seemingly innocuous foods... like a slice of ham for example?! Or a Marks and Spencer's salad?

I have distinct advantages to my diet- 1. I cook 2.- I will eat celery soup 3. - I wont eat 4. I have a five year old.
I have distinct disadvantages to my diet- 1. I am miserable ".2. I like bread. 3. And butter. 4. I believe I'd rather be dead than live without them.

However in the interest of my bottom not taking over the world - I have consumed less than= 1,000 calories per day for two days.
 The only way you can reduce your calories - is by eating vegetables - true fact and mainly soup- you can't have puddings, toast . sweets or cakes, you can't have dairy.....or olives...or bread or butter- because if you have them you will be starving -

But my big tip is- you can drink lots of water- with lemon, with cucumber, mint , lime etc ...don't say I never give you nowt!

Also every activity you undergo is a calories eating activity- go up the stairs, 'fatty'- play in the kids area, 'fatty'- run up the stairs-' fatty'- eat your veggies- 'fatty'-

#I always thought it was miserable but actually dieting is quite fun, I'm going for it
all my love
 fat girl x

Summer, Alfie and Me

This is our third week together and it's kind of historic.

Certainly in my kids' lifetimes I can't think when we've had our sunny days interrupted by only a few rainy days.
I know I'm annoying everyone born into other decades when I keep saying- 'It's like the olden days.'

But I love it!-

In actual fact it's not like the olden days...it's not warm enough- you can still perceive a weird nip in the air, my brain is confused-(again) It's saying, 'Detroit is bankrupt, global warming, space race, cold war'...
but I don't look quite as confused as the green tomatoes...

It  is also historic because I realised, whilst trapped in the disabled toilet at the library today, that aside from a near nasty episode during Smurfs 2 yesterday, me and Alfie - are getting on.
Famously.

I decided Alfie needs to swim because he's fearless and thinks he can ( he also believes he can run much faster than cars...) So in the interest of my blood pressure, I took him for his first swimming lesson on Sunday.
We were late and I heard his name shouted out a few times and they used those new- fangled tubular floats and after half an hour he got dry and then punched me in the eye,and  then we had a row...and drove home...

So obviously yesterday I took him swimming-
'Show me what you learnt in your swimming lesson..'
Now what I'm learning about Alfie is, you have got to wait for him to come round...(and sometimes he doesn't...)
After half an hour of trying to climb things he shouldn't and torturing a four year old boy, and his Grandmother, Alfie asked to go in the big pool. 'Okay, but you'll have to swim because you won't be able to touch the bottom...' ( and he has refused to bring arm bands...arm bands are for people who can't swim.)

Anyway so we go into the big pool, and something kicks-in behind his eyes, I see it, and he's beaming.
'I'm floating, I'm swimming...look I can do this.'
'That's treading water.' I say, feeling lame, feeling historic.
He does it on his back, he does it on his front, he does doggy paddle, he does surface dives, swimming under water, breast stroke and then he treads water.

I've never seen anything like it.
I think I kind of remember being like that...but with something else behind my eyes.

What I like about Alfie is, I know now what happens behind his eyes.
Man, he's historic!

the word of truth

I've been looking for something to cheer me up. There's no point in telling a depressive mind to think happy thoughts.
I think that's maybe one reason why the bible is good for depressives. Because it's kind of not necessarily that happy. You know even though I think I'm a Christian, if I'm in a dark place...Christianity is as annoying to me as it is to everyone else. I have a keyring that says 'Jesus loves you,' and if I'm sad that statement of true fact can be a major encouragement - but if I'm depressed, I could just as easily throw it out of the window.

So I was wondering what is the difference between depression and sadness. Then I read James and the first bit blew me away.

At the center of my worries and anxieties, is pride and at the bottom of my depression is doubt.

James 1: 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.