Gap years

  Me and the little one wake the big one up by jumping on his head and telling him it's nearly time for swimming. I don't believe in letting teenagers sleep. And this is more fun than hoovering under his bed.
  The little one is top at swimming lessons, and sadly beyond bottom at football classes. He saved three of his own teams goals.
  The big one has returned from Reading with two love bites, a black eye and a nasty reaction to a wasp sting. He also has a red beard and seems to have forgotten how to use cutlery and crockery. In an effort to stop him irritating me so much, I give him lots of jobs.
  this morning, before he's lifted his head off the pillow I tell him, 'I dreamed you disappeared and came back a heroine addict. And I was planning to chain you to the bed and put you in nappies and lock all the doors.'
  At breakfast I ask the little one if he wants an egg. 'No, no thank you, I'm all good thanks.' I ask the big one if he likes our breakfast table...and then I say 'if you want to do outdoor pursuits, you should go to Australia.' And then immediately wish I could bite my own tongue off.
  At swimming lesson I meet a friend, I tell her about my dream about the big one, in the general angst of the 'our teenage boys' conversation, I accidentally tell her that the big one has only ever bought one book,' fifty shades of grey', 'and he didn't even read that,' I gasp. The big one kicks the back of my chair.
  In the car on the way to church we make a detour to Tesco, 'Why are we here?' chirps the little one- I can feel him wondering if he's been 'sooooo good'....it's my fault the little one thinks we only go to the shops to buy him things for being good.
  'I'm taking a swimming costume back.'
  'Why?'
  'Because it doesn't fit me...'
  'But I didn't see it...'
  I take the swimming costume back and buy the boys some choc chip muffins, I buy some mineral water for myself, at the till I vow I will not eat a muffin, not a crumb, I won't even sniff them.
  The big one eats three muffins and then says 'don't tell everyone you think I'm an intravenous drug user, please.' The little one says, 'you can tell everyone I scored a goal.'
  At church the little one prays in the pew, 'thank you Jesus, you help us at football and swimming and all this very nice day. Aaaamen.'
  At communion the little one is shouting for his brother to wave at him, the big one is slumped in the pew of woe. I think I should stop showing him up- it really shouldn't amuse me so much...I've got detachment issues, I've got abandonment issues, and I've got hunger issues, and now I've got Australia issues.
 After saying grace the little one eats homemade chicken soup, with bits, and announces, 'you can make this everyday- it's great.' Before he devours seconds and thirds, 'I love you so much- you're a great cook mom!'
 The big one wipes his beard with an element of satisfaction before googling 'outdoor pursuits- Gap years in Australia.'
 I help the big one fill in his application form and he says he loved the morning sermon...he says he may have prayed. Kind of.  Despite a thirteen year gap - my boys both seem to have hit on a corner turning age - simultaneously- I wonder if I should cry or do the ironing...probably do the ironing first.
when I wave him off all I can think is,

 'Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.'

I look at the little one, 'Come on slow coach last one to the car is a 'stinky Elis.'