On becoming a person

The worst thing about going away is watching Sky news. The best thing about going away is perspective. Like my largest irritation before I went on holiday was pouting. I told myself if I saw one more girl/child/woman pout I would actually vomit.
So please smile x
We have so much to smile about.
The thing about gratitude is we've forgotten about it. And that's bad because if you're an ingrate nothing ever lives up to expectation. The sea is too cold. The hotel was okay but you had a few niggles with the linen. The weather was fine but windy. The flight was not disastrous but there was no leg room and too many 'whooping' children. The trains were not air-conditioned and there was only one window...
And so it goes on and on and on and on.
That's like honest ingratitude. There is sneaky ingratitude too- like where you say you're really grateful but you actually can't stand these people, this place or even yourself right now.
Deep ingrates being deeply unhappy people.
The thing about gratitude is you've just got to do it. Christianity teaches you not to trust your first thoughts but it is truly horrific to analyse how many of your first thoughts are ungrateful. The other thing is then training your thoughts to be grateful. Ignoring your first thought and replacing it with a grateful thought.
Though this from a women who get's her child to say grace, it's still not second nature to me but it's first to him- whatever the circumstances, whoever cooks the meal, whoever sits at the table, a crystal voice,
'Thank you dear Jesus for this food, thank you for this day, in your precious name we pray. Amen.'
You can't be grateful truly without taking the sinner's place. You can't truly feel the joy of gratitude without believing you belong in hell. You can't get gratitude till you do it.
The single most striking fact that I have learnt this holiday is that when it comes, we will have to be grateful for our death. We will have to be grateful for our life if we are going to be grateful for our death. I think it takes quite a lot of practice to be grateful.
I would like to suggest I am grateful for my holiday. For my journey. I am grateful for my fabulous parents. I'm grateful for my charming, joyous, erratic, loyal and grateful travel companion.
And more, so much more, I'm grateful for my freedom.
My passport. My currency. My poppies. My home. My job. My face (that someone has missed!).
My toilet.
So it is with trepidation and sorrows my prayers go out for Mr Farage, Charlize Theron, Sohan Lal, Daniel Wani and Meriam Ibrahim.

Lamentations 3

I am the man who has seen affliction
    by the rod of the Lord’s wrath.
2 He has driven me away and made me walk
    in darkness rather than light;
3 indeed, he has turned his hand against me
    again and again, all day long.

4 He has made my skin and my flesh grow old
    and has broken my bones.
5 He has besieged me and surrounded me
    with bitterness and hardship.
6 He has made me dwell in darkness
    like those long dead.

7 He has walled me in so I cannot escape;
    he has weighed me down with chains.
8 Even when I call out or cry for help,
    he shuts out my prayer.
9 He has barred my way with blocks of stone;
    he has made my paths crooked.

10 Like a bear lying in wait,
    like a lion in hiding,
11 he dragged me from the path and mangled me
    and left me without help.
12 He drew his bow
    and made me the target for his arrows.

13 He pierced my heart
    with arrows from his quiver.
14 I became the laughingstock of all my people;
    they mock me in song all day long.
15 He has filled me with bitter herbs
    and given me gall to drink.

16 He has broken my teeth with gravel;
    he has trampled me in the dust.
17 I have been deprived of peace;
    I have forgotten what prosperity is.
18 So I say, “My splendor is gone
    and all that I had hoped from the Lord.”

19 I remember my affliction and my wandering,
    the bitterness and the gall.
20 I well remember them,
    and my soul is downcast within me.
21 Yet this I call to mind
    and therefore I have hope:

22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him.”